255. The Truth about Toxic Positivity

Hi there my friend, today, I’m tackling a big topic: toxic positivity. You’ve probably heard the term before—some people roll their eyes at it, others swear by it. But what is it really, and is there a way to make it work for us rather than against us? 

If you are new here, welcome welcome. I’m your host Lucy Liu, your confidence coach and guide on this self-growth journey. Let’s dive in.

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So What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the idea that no matter what happens, you should always stay positive. 

It’s the “good vibes only” mindset taken to the extreme. 

I think staying optimistic is a great tool in life and I always say I’m an eternal optimist. 

But, ignoring negative emotions can be harmful. 

When we force ourselves—or others—to always be positive, we dismiss real struggles and emotions that need to be processed.

Think of a time when you were struggling, and someone told you to “just be grateful” or “look on the bright side.” 

Well, these are all very well-intended, but these statements can feel dismissive at the time of pain. They don’t acknowledge pain, frustration, or grief, which are all valid emotions that deserve space. 

Why Do Some People Hate Toxic Positivity?

Many people dislike toxic positivity because it feels fake.

When we push positivity onto someone who’s struggling, it can come across as saying, “Your emotions don’t matter” or “You’re not trying hard enough to be happy.” That’s not fair, right?

Toxic positivity can also create shame around experiencing negative emotions, making other people feel like they’re failing in life, failing at personal growth if they aren’t happy all the time. 

The truth is, real growth comes from processing all emotions—positive and negative.

The Benefits of Positivity—When Used Correctly

So, does that mean positivity is bad? Absolutely not! 

I don’t care how many people hate toxic positivity, I’m still going to choose positivity to the extreme. I’m still going to be an optimist. I’m still going to shine my light, and whenever you are ready, you will receive. Like that saying goes, when you are ready to learn, your teacher will appear. 

In fact, when we use positivity correctly, it can be such a powerful tool for growth. Here’s why:

1. Optimism Fuels Resilience – When we acknowledge our struggles but choose to see possibilities, we build resilience. It’s not about ignoring hardship but believing in our ability to overcome it. More struggles, more resilience, more confidence, more growth. 
2. Positive Self-Talk Improves Confidence – Encouraging words helps shift our mindset from self-doubt to self-belief. Instead of “I’ll never figure this out,” say, “I am capable, and I’ll find a way.”
3. Shifting Perspective – Recognizing the good doesn’t erase the bad, but it does help us focus on what’s within our control. By choosing positivity, we are shifting our perspective and therefore choosing to change our reactions, our thoughts, our feelings and our actions. And only different actions will lead to different results.
4. Energy Attracts Energy – When we cultivate a healthy level of positivity, we attract opportunities and relationships that align with that energy. Because I’m super bubbly and positive, everyone I talk to is positive. My daughter is super positive and confident and you bet every single one of my guests are just incredible human beings. 

Using Positivity in a Healthy Way

The key is balance. Here’s how we can use positivity in a way that supports real self-growth:

• Acknowledge ALL Emotions – Feel your feelings. Don’t suppress sadness, anger, or frustration. They carry important messages about what you need. But set a timeframe so you don’t dwell in negativity for too long. 
• Reframe, Don’t Dismiss – Instead of saying “Don’t be sad,” try “I see you’re struggling. How can I support you?” This applies to self-talk too!
• Allow Space for Growth – Give yourself grace. You don’t have to be happy all the time to be growing. Progress isn’t linear.

And if you had to take anything away from this episode, I want it to be that “We Deserve the Positivity We’ve Built”

Here’s the thing—because I’ve done the work, decades of personal development and inner work, I deserve the positivity I have now. It’s not toxic positivity, it is real authentic positivity.

If you’ve worked through self-doubt, past pain, and limiting beliefs, don’t feel guilty for choosing joy. You earned it! You deserve it! 

The key is making sure our positivity is grounded in self-awareness, not avoidance.

I hope this episode helped you see that positivity isn’t the enemy—it’s all about how we use it. If this resonated with you, share this episode with someone who needs it. And if you haven’t yet, hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode!

Until next time, remember: confidence isn’t about being loud—it’s about being grounded in who you truly are.