If you want to learn how to build trust, credibility and have a good reputation, this episode is for you.

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​Today’s guest Lida Citroën is an executive coach, personal branding expert, reputation management pro, 5x published author, TEDx speaker, LinkedIn Learning instructor, and a trusted consultant to clients like Google and Disney. For more than 20+ years, she’s helped hundreds of global executives, entrepreneurs, and thought leaders like you impact the way they’re perceived by the people who matter to them. Discussed in this episode: 

• Difference between trust, credibility and reputation
• What gives a person more credibility
• What it takes to be a person of influence
• How can we gain confidence in ourselves as an authentic leader
• and much more

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Hello, hello, beautiful souls. If you want to learn how to build trust, credibility and have a good reputation, this episode is for you. And for that, of course, I need an expert expert with me.

And she is… Lita Citroen. She is an amazing executive coach, personal branding expert, reputation management pro, five-time published author, TEDx speaker, LinkedIn learning instructor, trusted consultant to clients like Google and Disney.

Oh my goodness, she is so, so amazing. I cannot wait for you guys to meet her because for more than 20 years, she’s helped hundreds of global executives, entrepreneurs and thought leaders like you impact the way they’re perceived by the people who matter to them. Welcome to the show, Lita.

Thank you so much. I’m excited about a great conversation. Awesome.

We’re talking about building trust, building credibility, reputation. Is there actually a difference between the three?

Very much so. I would say the only two that are kind of close would be trust and credibility. Because if I don’t trust you, I probably won’t see you as credible.

I mean, if I see you as credible, I probably trust you. Reputation sort of sits along with that. So reputation is what you earn.

Personal brand is what you do. That’s how I typically explain it. Everyone has a personal brand by design or by default.

And we’ve all been going through life, building our careers, doing wonderful work like yourself and building this reputation alongside. The thing is, most of us aren’t thinking about what we’re doing. So that’s where people like me come in to teach personal branding.

What gives a person more credibility, would you say?

The way I explain credibility is that it’s a very simple formula. If you tell people what you stand for, and then they see evidence that you live those values, you walk the talk, they will learn to trust you. They will give you credibility for what you say you believe in.

Where the problem often lies is people aren’t clear on their values. They aren’t clear on what they stand for, or they try to be everything to everyone. And then the action isn’t really matching up.

And they wonder why no one takes them seriously or why they’re not trusted or seen as valuable for what they know they can offer. Similarly, I work with a lot of people who have those values very clear in their mind, and they know from which they operate, but the action isn’t tied to it. So I might act with honesty.

I might speak directly to you and give you very forthright feedback. But I’m not telling you why I’m doing that. I’m not telling you that my value is honesty.

And therefore, you think I’m just a mean person, or I have it out for you, or what got into me today, right? Because that isn’t tied to the value. So the values plus the action, they have to be connected in order for people to give you credibility.

One example I often share is I do this work in the military. It’s a passion project for me. I’ve been serving the military space for about 15 years now.

It comes from my values of gratitude and generosity. That is absolutely what led me to serve in this way. And then I started doing the work.

But I had zero credibility because nobody knew who I was. And I had to anchor my action in those values. So if I’m standing in front of a conference audience, where I’m writing a book for the military, or I’m coaching someone, I have to make sure they know why I’m doing that behavior, why I’m doing that action, that it comes from a value of gratitude and generosity.

Then people start to trust that that is actually credible.

And, of course, we want a good reputation. Yes. It goes a long way, but can our reputation be changed?

It absolutely can. And so there’s this niche of work that I do, which is called Reputation Repair. And actually, one of the books that I’ve written, called Control the Narrative, is the only book that offers solutions for individuals who’ve been in a reputation crisis.

And I run into people who, it can be as almost, I wouldn’t say innocent, but as simple as you post something on social media that you’re not thinking about, and it turns into a firestorm, or you’re caught on an open mic, or it’s even more egregious, right? Plagiarism, doctors being inappropriate with patients, and all sorts of things can destroy our reputation. There’s absolutely a way out of that.

Most of the people I work with do the wrong thing first. They take down their social media, they go into hiding, they don’t answer their phone, and they let the narrative play out. Not a good response.

So even if it’s not something like headline making, but somebody listening says, well, I kind of didn’t show up well in a meeting, and I lost my cool, and now my boss is looking at me like, maybe I’m not management material. There are ways to repair that, that involve obviously apologizing, if that’s warranted, and understanding what needs to be fixed, and what’s okay to leave alone. So I would love to give some blanket advice, but oftentimes it’s individual to the situation, and how serious the impact is.

To us, it will always feel worse than it does to other people. So someone who engages in a debate with a troll on social media, and it turns into a really big problem, is it a big problem for your career, or is it a big problem because your feelings got hurt? There are a lot of remedies.

Yes, it absolutely can be. There have been a few circumstances that I’ve run into or heard of, where the person isn’t able to recover in the way that they want, and so they look at other options. Career changes, location changes, things like that.

And of course, we want the good reputation, we want credibility, because we want to be a person of influence, right? So what do you think it takes to be a person of influence?

I love that question, because it’s a topic I’m speaking a lot on right now, because that’s all changed. So I wrote the book, The New Rules of Influence, and in it, I sort of challenged this idea of what influence used to be. You mentioned in your intro, I spent 20 years in the corporate world, 20 years doing what I was prescribed to have success, right?

You look a certain way, you act a certain way, you wait your turn, and then when you’re called upon, you get to speak. And I would say that is particularly true for those of us who are women, those of us who don’t look like the poster child, if you will, or are part of a community that’s maybe underrepresented in most corporate environments. We’re not sure how to speak up and how to be heard and have our message carry weight, which is what influence does, if we don’t look and sound like the prescribed model of executive presence.

So what I’m trying to introduce is a new way of thinking about it, that anyone anywhere can have influence. And we’re seeing this in companies, we’re seeing this in politics, that the quiet voice in the back of the room who often isn’t heard from, suddenly says something and it’s like, where did that come from? That just changed everything.

That isn’t necessarily corresponding with authority and rank and positional power in the same way. And I think that is so exciting for where we’re going in the future, because that means that we’re gonna start hearing from people who have something to say, but maybe haven’t been heard from in the past. And I prescribe different rules that I call them.

They’re not hard. I mean, there are things like, be inclusive, have a service attitude, think about your career and your influence in terms of agility. Don’t be rigid with it.

We’ve got to flex and be fluid and have a growth mindset. They’re not revolutionary ideas, but put together under this umbrella of influence. They’re changing the narrative in some really cool ways.

Beautifully said. I can’t not agree more. And everything is changing.

And that’s the fun part of life, right? We are learning and it’s changed in so many ways as you spoke about. And I actually speak on this topic as well.

I love being the quiet one in the back of the room, but I have the confidence to speak up when I feel the need to, right? And I know you are a leader and then you help leaders speak up as well. So for someone listening, they are super powered human beings.

Sometimes they just really are seeking that external validation. They need that just a little bit more confidence in themselves to be the true authentic leader. What’s your advice?

What’s your tip on how to gain confidence in themselves to be a better leader?

To answer that question, I would pull on two of the rules that I offer in the book. The first is courage. So you’ve probably guessed I’m an extrovert type, a Gemini, right?

Not a shy person. It drives my kids crazy when we go to the store. I’ll talk to anyone.

That’s often thought to be what it takes to have influence, right? But that’s not necessarily true because people who are more quiet and reserved and more conservative and cautious tend to be more deliberate in what they say, right? I might say it before I actually think about what I’m saying, but someone who’s different will be more considerate.

So there can be a lot more weight and superpower put on that. But the first rule is to have courage. And if you’re not naturally someone who throws themselves into the middle of a conversation, take a chance, right?

Courage doesn’t mean the absence of fear. It means working through it. So raising your hand, being a little more vocal, being a little more visible.

You’re definitely going to want to think it through. You’re going to want to be prepared. Spur of the moment is probably not your favorite thing.

So be prepared. Go into the meeting with those ideas and then have the courage to just raise your hand and say, what about this? Or I don’t think that’s the best approach and see how it plays out.

Listen for the feedback. Listen without judgment for the feedback and then keep building on that. The other rule that I would pull upon that I often share for people who are trying to build that confidence is the rule that talks about service.

And service is very much a mindset. And I don’t say servant leadership because not everyone wants to be a leader. But if you have something to say and you can think about offering that idea or that challenge or that vision through the lens of service, then you’re really doing it for other people.

You’re not doing it because you want to be loud or you want to be large or you want to be seen. You’re doing it because not doing it isn’t right. It isn’t serving.

So if you’re looking to build that confidence and you’re trying to figure out how to get there, take a step, find some courage, reach down inside, grab a buddy, you know, listen to your podcast because there’s a lot of great advice around courage on it. And then think about offering that idea through the lens of service. What if the idea you have is the one that will change everything for the positive and you’re not sharing that puts everything at risk?

Wouldn’t that be unfortunate? I would love to see you take the courage, have the courage, share it. We’re all afraid of being judged.

It’s a human natural trait, right? We’re all afraid people are going to laugh at us or think our ideas foolish and we’re foolish. I had to reach in and have a lot of courage to write this book because I’m sharing a lot about myself in it.

And I’m a public speaker. I go on stage and I’m, you know, I try to be larger than life, but it was scary for me too. But I believe that people are going to be served.

So through that lens, I’m willing to find some courage and I think we all can get there.

Beautifully said. I don’t know. I kind of jump around between an extrovert and an introvert.

I do the test. One year I’m more introverted, another year I’m more extroverted. You know, it’s not about the label.

It’s about believing that you’ve already got the courage within. It’s about believing that you, that wealth of knowledge, that well of courage is already inside of you and it’s nowhere else to be found. You’ve already got it.

And it’s part of your purpose. I mean, if you believe, I do, that we’re all here for a very specific purpose, then not acting on that, not fulfilling it is so heartbreaking. And there’s such a beauty in saying, I think I’m supposed to change the narrative in this way.

Maybe it’s starting a movement. Maybe it’s advocating for a community that you don’t come from. But if you believe in your heart that that’s partly why you’re here, then yeah, find some courage, grab a buddy, you know, and take a step forward in that direction.

It will be scary. When I first started working with the military, I didn’t know anything except what I had seen on television and in movies. And it was very scary.

I made mistakes left and right, but I asked a lot of questions and I listened and I learned. And then I asked more questions and I kept doing that until I felt that I could represent and speak to a community that I have so much respect for, but that I don’t come from. And it’s been a beautiful add on to my business.

It keeps me grounded and it reminds me of how I’m supposed to serve.

I love that. So much respect for those who have served, especially in this year, this time around the year, this will be the last episode of 2024. So if you want more credibility and trust and have a good reputation in the next coming year, what is one more tip we have from you, Lita?

The one more tip would be, it’s never about perfection.

We can’t be perfect. We’re human beings. We will make mistakes, but think about reputation in terms of consistency.

Be the same person on LinkedIn that you are on a podcast, that you are on Instagram, that people talk about. It’s all about consistency. Show people different sides of you, but be the same person.

That’s a great way to start building some trust in the new year.

Beautifully said. And is there a favorite quote that you go by in life, Lita?

Well, a quote that I’ve shared in two of my books is by Mark Twain. There’s two important days of your life. The day you’re born and the day you realize why.

I love that. Absolutely. I get chills every time I say it.

I shared it in my TED Talk. I absolutely love that quote because when we can figure out why we’re here, wow, watch the doors open.

It’s cool. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s beautiful.

Where can we find you at?

Well, I’m active on social media, pretty much everywhere. And my website is lita360.com, L-I-D-A 360.com. Very active on LinkedIn, YouTube.

I mean, yeah, that’s the extrovert in me. So I would love to connect with people listening and talk to them more about what I’m doing and how I can help.

Thank you for being with us.

Thank you so much. You do a great interview.

Thank you.

If you need some inspiration on what to let go before the end of the year so that you can reach higher potential next year, this episode is for you.

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Happy December! Happy Holidays!

As we are getting ready to move towards the end of year and work towards our goals in the next year, it is a great time to sit down spend some time with yourself, reflect and journal down what are 3 things you are ready to shed/ let go of/ leave behind that will have the most impact on the life you are creating?

Through 2 decades of personal development I’ve already let go of so much baggage, so for the new year I’m just reminding myself again to let go of:

1) Let go of the need for certainty

 uncertainty is the only true certainty in life and to embrace fun in the moment and even all the bumps on the way.

2) Let go of expectations from others

when we don’t expect as much, we are not disappointed, everything is happening for a reason and for the best. Now this is different from dreaming big goals and actually having a plan to accomplish because that is in our control, but we need to let go of expectations from others because that is out of our control. 

3) Let go of old friends who are not putting me as a priority.

It’s sad when we value a friendship but the other side is just not reciprocating. I’m learning to make new friends in the same season of life and just wishing old friends well no matter what.

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of actually writing these down or typing these out. Many people are blown away at their own answers, we don’t realize how much we have to let go until we actually put it on pen to paper. 

And if you need even more inspirations, I’ve also heard from others the followings to let go: 

Let go of wanting things to be perfect before hitting the GO button!

We tend to hold back until it’s “just right” which is oftentimes “never”! Always remember that ready is not a time frame, it is a decision. 

Let go of not being able to say no.

Be clear with boundaries and say “NO” early and often, not at the last minute or not when already deep in something that you really didn’t want to do in the first place.

Let go of procrastination.

Create a disciplined routine to prioritize what’s important to you. There will always be time for what’s really important to you and even messy action and super baby steps will move you forward.

Let go of slacking off on taking care of our health.

Sometimes It’s like we worked SO hard for years to get to where we are and now that we are here we start slacking off on taking care of our body. It’s ok to fall off track sometimes, we are human, I get lazy and slack off too, but what’s important is to practice picking ourselves up and resetting anytime. Not waiting for next year, not waiting for a specific time when your new gear arrive, start now, start today. 

Let go of caring about what others think.

So many people have predefined ideas of who we are. Who cares! After all it is your life and your only life to live. Live it by your own design. 

Let go of imposter syndrome, letting go of any fears of being seen

Let go of fears of failure to go ALL IN on your passions, believe that you can and you will realize your dreams doing what you truly love.

Let go of making comparisons to other professionals in the field.

Often we are not necessarily putting ourselves down, but we tend to slightly “worry” about what they’re doing and if we are doing enough. Again, enough is not an amount, it is a decision. 

Let go of wanting the ability for someone else to control our feelings.

Whether that someone is a family member, friend or an ex, focus on what you can control, focus on your own emotional stability and your thoughts. Stop letting them trigger your negative thoughts that will lead to negative feelings and in turn hinder you from taking more positive actions. Let go of wanting to control them and focus on your own road ahead. 

I know some of these can be years in the building, however acknowledging them is the first step in conquering them. 

Which one do you resonate with the most?

Let me know. 

Wanna learn how to live fearlessly in business and life?

No matter what industry or line of work you do, we are all the same, we are all human, and every human being on the planet gets stopped by fear.

So if you’ve ever faced fear and look to uplevel your life, this episode is for you. 

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Guest Rhonda Britten is an Emmy Award-winner, Repeat Oprah guest, and Master Coach.

She has changed lives in over 600 episodes of reality TV, authored four bestsellers, including her “Fearless Living” which has been translated into 16 languages.

She is also a standing Ovation Keynote Speaker, Fear expert, podcast host and has been read, heard, and watched by millions.

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Hello, hello, beautiful souls, no matter what industry or line of work you do, we are all the same. We are all human and every human being on this planet gets stopped by fear. So if you ever faced fear and look to uplevel your life, this episode is for you.

And I’m super excited to introduce to you my incredible guest today, Rhonda Britton. Rhonda is an Emmy Award winning repeat Oprah guest and master coach. She has changed the lives in over 600 episodes of reality TV authored for bestsellers, including her fearless living, which has been translated into 16 languages.

Isn’t that amazing? She is also a standing ovation keynote speaker, fear expert podcast host and has been read, heard and watched by millions. And we would be here all day if we listed out all of her accomplishments.

So let’s dig in. Welcome to the show, Rhonda.

I’m so excited to be here, Lucy, you’re just so delightful.

I can’t wait to get into this conversation.

Rhonda, you founded the fearless living Institute. So let’s start there.

What does fearless living mean to you?

Well, it definitely doesn’t mean you don’t have fear, right? Because fearless living really is about the willingness to master fear, we’re never going to get rid of fear. It’s part of our neurobiology.

And I think that’s where the misnomer is, right? The way people say, be fearless. And they go, well, I can’t be fearless because I have fear.

I go, yes, of course you do. Right? So it’s part of our neurobiology.

You’re not going to get rid of fear, but what you can do is understand how it works so that it doesn’t decide your life for you. You decide your life. And that takes a little extra attention, a little extra effort.

And that’s why I created something called the wheel of fear and the wheel of freedom to help you understand how fear works. I think the number one thing people tell me after they get their wheel of fear, their personalized unique wheel of fear and wheel of freedom is now I know why my life is the way it is. It explains everything, why you got married, why you got divorced, why you went to college, why you quit that job, everything.

It’s a mental model that you can use and apply to any part of your life.

Fear could be actually our friend. Would you agree?

Oh gosh, fear. I’m going to tell you something that I’ll never forget. I was on Steve Harvey’s show and I said this to him and he literally practically fell out of his chair.

And it is fear loves you. So fear loves you. Every emotion that you have, every feeling slash emotion, and we’re going to use those interchangeably right now, is a part and parcel of what you need in order to move your life forward.

So they’re just energy. Feelings are just energy. And they’re all here for a reason.

They’re all here for a reason. And fear is here for one reason and one reason only to keep you safe. The challenge is, is because we don’t understand how it works.

And we’ve all probably by now understand neuroscience and the brain and we’ve done a little bit of research in that. But that doesn’t necessarily tell you how it applies to your life. We don’t see it in 3D, so to speak, in our lives.

When you understand how fear works, everything changes.

Is that what happened to you? Did you see fear as a friend and that’s how you change your own life?

[Speaker 1]

Oh, no. First of all, and I think many people are like me, I never even thought I was afraid. So the joke of the century, the irony is that I actually work with fear because I grew up in upper Michigan, little tiny town.

I’m from Finnish heritage, which means we don’t feel. And so I never, even during my worst days, which I’ve had horrible, decades, really tragic and horrific decades and self-destructive decades. During all of that, I would have never said I’m afraid.

Never. I just thought I was crazy or I was stupid or I was procrastinating. And that’s the trick of fear.

Most people like me don’t know they’re afraid. Like I said, I didn’t know I was afraid, but what I’ve done in my book Fearless Living is I give you, and I’ll just do this real quick, just give you a couple little instances. Is that fear shows up in different ways for different people.

It sometimes shows up as anxiety, sometimes procrastination, sometimes pretend manipulation, defending yourself, blaming, deflecting, controlling, getting bitter, resentful, selfish, powerless, isolating yourself, settling, whining, hiding. All of these things are not because you’re wrong or you’re stupid or you’re crazy. It’s because there’s a fear underneath there.

The fear produces those fear responses. So you don’t procrastinate, you don’t deny, you don’t hide, you don’t become powerless, you don’t become a perfectionist unless there’s fear underneath. So most people go to try to solve the problem of, well, I’m perfectionist, I need to solve my perfectionism.

And I say, go for it, knock yourself out, go to perfectionism school, knock yourself out. Yet unless you really kind of dig in and understand how fear works holistically, something else will pop up. I’m sure we’ve all experienced, we thought we solved something and then all of a sudden it pops up again.

You’re like, well, I thought I saw this. Well, that’s because fears come play with you a different way.

Thank you for sharing. And to me, one of the top fears of life that I’ve seen is the very basic fear that I’m not good enough. Kind of related to what you talked about earlier, you’re procrastinating, you’re not doing it.

There’s the underlying fear that you’re telling yourself that you’re not good enough. And it changed my life when I instilled the mantra that enough is a decision. So is there anyone alive that somewhere deep down inside doesn’t have that basic fear of I’m not good enough?

Well, what I like to say about fear of not being good enough is that’s the generic version of a wheel of fear. So the wheel of fear has four parts. And if somebody doesn’t know their wheel of fear, that’s normally when they go, I fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of all those fears.

But then I go, well, what’s underneath that? They go, and they’ll stop and they’ll be like, you like fear, fear of not being good enough. And fear, like I said, fear of not being good enough is generic.

And there is nobody alive that doesn’t actually have a wheel of fear, doesn’t have fear. Because again, it’s part of our neurobiology. It’s part of how we’re wired, right?

We don’t just become afraid because we were raised a certain way. Don’t get me wrong. How you were raised does impact what kind of fear you have.

But so does your DNA. It’s been proven now that fears are handed down through our DNA. So when people say, I got to figure out why I’m like this, why am I like this?

Why am I like this? They’re trying to find that one moment, that one secret thing that happened to them that they can say, that’s why I’m like this. Well, you might behave a certain way because of the DNA that’s been handed down to generations.

So you may never find that one thing. So I invite you, I invite folks to not search for the one thing that’s caused them to be like this, but instead find the one thing that will set them free.

I love that. This is kind of like how we say sometimes we’re looking to learn, but sometimes it’s really about unlearning, right? And going a level deeper.

It’s about unwinding, right? It’s about unwinding, unlearning. It’s about actually having the humility to do so, because I think it takes great humility to be willing to say, what if I’m wrong about this?

What if I really don’t know this? What if I’m only using fear as a way to keep myself from avoiding taking action? What if I’m using fear?

What if I’m using procrastination to beat myself up so I don’t have the energy or the fortitude or the willingness or the grace or the heart to keep going for my dream? So we use fear. Fear creates that procrastination, beating yourself up, et cetera.

But then we use the same thing that fear gifts us with is a thing we use to let fear win. So I always say there’s never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever a reason to beat yourself up or another human being. You just don’t get to do that.

No. It’s the number one tool fear uses. I would say it’s the gas and the oil in the wheel of fear, because when we beat ourselves up, we’re actually participating in the demise and breaking apart of our connection to living the life our soul intended.

And that’s how we’re contributing. That’s how we’re participating. So we can change that any moment.

Just like you said, enough is beating yourself up. Just even realizing it’s a choice, I knew blew my mind. For most of my life, I didn’t think it was a choice.

I just thought that’s the way it was and that’s who I was. And I thought I was on my bad decisions. I thought I couldn’t get beyond my bad decisions.

I really thought that my past, I had to carry with me for the rest of my life. And when I started understanding how our neurobiology works and how fear works, I was able to put down those things. I was able to put down my past and actually create a new future for myself.

Powerful, powerful words, Rhonda. But do you think there are fears that are healthy for us by chance?

Well, there’s two things. One is we’re talking about a difference between emotional fears and instinct fears, physical fears. So instinct, our desire to survive physically, I don’t particularly like heights.

I’m not going like, I was in Norway recently and they have this rock that sticks out 20, 30 feet and go walk out on the rock and take an amazing picture. I’m like, no, thank you. I know that would be really cool and I’d be really happy if I did it, but no.

So we have physical fears and those are instincts. Those are physical survival. Yeah, those are awesome as long as they don’t prohibit you from living and taking action in the way you’d like, because there are ways to obviously minimize those.

And most of us though, like my fear of heights, I don’t have to be around heights. I don’t get activated all the time with my fear of heights. I don’t live on the 85th floor.

Yet what my work is, is the emotional fears that impact us every single day. The fear of being rejected, the fear of failure, the fear of loss, the fear of being judged. So these fears are a constant in our life.

So yes, we want our instincts. We want our ability to survive. The challenge is, is that our body and brain don’t know the difference between physical fears and emotional fears.

So the response is the same. So when I’m on the top of a 85th building or in Norway, you know, like go on the 20 feet, right? And I’m like, right, that’s a physical fear for my literal life.

And yet I can put myself in fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of looking stupid, fear of looking foolish, fear of worthlessness, et cetera. And that same happens. So the way our neurobiology works is it doesn’t know the difference.

We’ve got to train ourselves to know the difference. We’ve got to discern, we’ve got to slice it out so that we can actually see the difference in our response to emotional, what’s going on emotionally with us versus what’s going on physically with us.

Thank you so much. I really love that differentiation. So know the difference when there’s a physical fear, right?

I’m same, I’m the same way. Every time I’m, I’m on a hike, I see snake, I scream and I run. I’m trying to save my own life, right?

Exactly. But if, if that hindered me from ever going on a hike, then that would be more of an emotional fear, right?

Well, it would, it might be a physical fear, but you’ve created such a barrier. Right. So it’s like, okay, I’m afraid of snakes.

Yeah. I don’t want to be around snakes either, but you want to hike. Then you’ve got to do the emotional work to heal and solve and move through the physical fear.

And that’s going to take, that’s going to take your body sensations. That’s going to take your thoughts, you know, your mindset, that’s going to take your heart and that’s going to take your spiritual foundation of what you believe ultimately in order to move you past that. But can it be done?

Absolutely.

Oh, absolutely. I love, I mean, I’ve seen so many snakes on my hike, but I’m still going.

Yay, Lucy.

Awesome. Okay. So for those who have done the work, they’ve done the personal development work, they’re working through their fear.

I’m like, they’re working through their shame, procrastination, all those things that you talked about earlier. Right. And they feel like they’re finally living that fearless life.

But then, but then their boss, their partner, someone else, their friend is living with fear and constantly nagging and telling them, you know, what’s scary. Well, obviously they’re with good intention. They want to protect you, but it happens.

And that is something we don’t want. So how do you go about dealing with that situation?

Well, that’s, that’s the whole reason, you know, I teach fearless conversations or I have a chapter in fearless living called fear junkies and fear busters, right? Because most fear junkies, like you said, they’re doing it with the best of intentions. It’s not like they’re trying to hurt or harm you.

There are some fear junkies that are by the way, but most don’t. So you get to learn something called boundaries. You get to learn something called communication skills.

So most of us, instead of learning the skills that are necessary in order to stand for ourselves and create a sovereignty within ourselves, we get mad at the people who aren’t doing what we think they should do. Right? So why are you afraid of that?

Stop being afraid. It’s like, well, but they’re afraid. So yelling at them is not really helpful.

So as we grow as individuals, as we build our compassion, as we build our empathy, as we build our ability to be honest and build our own personal responsibility and create a sense of sovereignty, we then learn the difference between where I put my hand on my shoulder for a reason. I know I had a therapist once that really brought this home, and this is how she did it with me. She goes, Rhonda, you end here.

And when she put her hand on her shoulder and rubbed it, I was like, what? She goes, you end here. This is where you end.

And that other person is here. And of course, I logically knew that. I mean, I understood what she was saying, but just having that visual reminder that I end here and they start there and they’re fully responsible for their life and I’m fully responsible for my life and how we build relationship and learning the skills in order to connect and communicate.

Because I always say it’s either perfection or connection, right? So if you want to connect, you can’t worry about perfection. You got to choose connection.

So are you willing to learn the communication skills necessary? And are you willing to build the level of compassion and humility that you need in order to see they’re right? The person who’s cutting you off is not even, that’s not even, no, it’s you.

It’s irrelevant. Your spouse who’s in a bad mood, isn’t thinking most likely about ruining your day. They’re just in their own world and you’re being impacted by it.

Well, you can decide what to do. You have a choice then. But most of us have gotten into a routine with our spouses, our mates, our coworkers, et cetera, that keeps us stuck in the wheel.

I’ll give you a quick personal, a quick example. I had a client who had a boss just like that, a boss who basically put everybody down. Okay.

And she came to me and said, I have this boss of mine. And I’m like, okay, let’s do it. And she goes, I just got to quit.

I go, well, you can quit or because you’re going to have to deal with this. Like this person’s in here in your life, as we know, is your greatest teacher. And they’re giving you a advanced teaching on boundaries and speaking up.

And you can either learn it from this person, or you’re going to go to another job or another relationship is going to happen all over again. So your choice, you want to do it here with me or you want to move on? She’s like, okay, I’ll do it.

Right? So she started saying things like, please don’t talk to me that way. That’s not okay with me.

Right? She started standing for what is okay with her or not. Well, what happened?

Because she never got angry. She never, you quit talking to me like that. She just was, Hey, not okay with me.

That’s not okay with me. And she would leave the, leave the area. She was wanting to leave now, I’m going to go to the other room, because this is not okay.

And again, she did that for a little bit of time. And eventually, it doesn’t when people are abusive, it takes the fun out of it when you don’t react. And so what ended up happening is he ended up never, he didn’t talk to her at all like that anymore.

And she ended up working for him for a while. And when she left, he said, you always have a job here. Right?

Because she was not willing to believe that he had more rights than she did. Right? She had equal right.

And she has a right to sovereignty. She has a right to, you know, her own space. So most of us, and I was raised this way, too, is being I’m from Minnesota, Minnesota, nice, you know, I was raised be nice.

So me starting to speak up when I first started, I literally would shake, I would literally go numb, I would literally freeze. And some of my most proud moments in my life, if I look back on it, are when I spoke up, even when I was like, and I teach my clients did my coaches to do this, I you know, I want to say something to somebody that was really hard. And I was shaking.

I said, I’m about to I’m going to say something right now. And I’m going to say it really bad and probably really poorly. But just listen to me.

I’m just really trying to just please listen to my attention. And I was crying the whole time. And I’m just literally like this, like, but I what I call that as a prep sentence.

So I prepped him for what was about to happen. And what we do is we don’t normally prep our partners prep our body like this is, you know, I’m, I’m, I’m a little upset right now. So my voice may raise or I’m a little right, we’re going to prep them.

And then what that does is when we prep them, is we look like we’re in control of our being, they’re not afraid that we’re going to attack or what’s going to happen, you are a quantity, you know, yourself, again, you have sovereignty. So these are some of the skills, communication skills I teach inside fearless living, because without them, you really have a very difficult time to be fearless in the world, because the world is filled with people.

I love it so much. And I love it so much that you said it is a skill. Living is a skill.

It’s not something someone else is born with, right? We hear this as someone else has it all someone else has the confidence and I don’t know it’s not it’s so not true. Confidence is a learned skill, everything you want right to promote yourself to to whatever you think is not possible.

It’s a skill and someone else has crossed that line and learned it and mastered it.

So that’s right. Well, and people that are confident, lose their confidence. Confidence is a skill that you must keep up, right?

So I had, I’ve had so many, I was at a book signing, and one of my book signings and a guy 63 came there and he goes, Oh, I saw that you were doing books today. And I was just gonna comment. I mean, literally, he came here, he says I just came to tell you, I’m fearless.

And I’m like, Okay, I said, Great. Awesome. Yeah.

Yeah. For you. Can I give you a little test?

He’s like, Yes, go ahead. Give me a text. And I said, Okay, so can you say I love you first?

Can you forgive? Have you been able to say you’re wrong? Have you healed all your past damages, your past hurts your past pains with another human being that you inflicted?

I mean, he and I’m saying all these things, right? And he’s just like, because most people, like you’re saying, think of fearless as I can jump out of a plane, and I can tell you what to do. And, okay, that’s one type of fearless.

But the real fearless that what I consider the true fearless, is being able to know what you think, to be in charge of how you respond to the world, and be able to live the life your soul intended. And that takes a whole bunch of skills. Not just good luck.

So good. And, you know, as the saying goes, new level, new devil, right?

right, right.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you’re right. Because I like to think think of a spiral.

And again, that’s a it’s not quite a spiral, but think of a spiral. And we’ll just use myself as an example, I had to forgive my father, as most of us do at some time, I have to give to my father. And I thought I forgave my father, you know, 20 years ago, 30 years ago, right?

And as I up another level, all of a sudden, my dad’s there again. And I’m like, Oh, my God, I thought, I thought I forgave you, right? Well, yes, I forgave him to the capacity that I had owned myself that I was aware of, that I had access to.

But the more that I become aware, the more that I grow, the more that I occupy myself from my bones to my skin, the more I am me, then I see other aspects, oh, my and other memories pop up. And it’s like, oh, here you are, again, ah, more work to do. It is not what most of my clients will be like, well, it didn’t work last time.

I go, No, no, it worked. You wouldn’t be here having this moment if you didn’t work last time. So this is a sign that you’re actually growing and shifting and changing.

So yeah, we all have pathways that we will revisit throughout our lives. That is part of our growth pattern. And lucky us, and yours might be money or love or, you know, relationships, right?

So it’s going to be a reoccurring theme in your life. And that’s not to, you know, disappoint you or frustrate you. It’s that that is your greatest growth and your greatest gift and part of your destiny.

So much wisdom there. Thank you so much for sharing Rhonda, what is a favorite quote that you go by in life?

There is nothing wrong with you. It’s just fear. There’s nothing wrong with you.

It’s just fear.

I’m gonna let that sink in for a while, everyone. And if you’ve been as inspired as I am from listening to Rhonda, do follow her connect with her and check her out at

fearless living.org fearlessliving.org.

And if you want to go get a free little gift from me, go to fearlessliving.org forward slash risk RISK. If you procrastinate, if you want to take more risk, go grab grab that course because that is a cure procrastination course. So again, fearlessliving.org forward slash risk RISK.

Beautiful. Thank you.

You’re welcome.

Thank you. Be fearless.

If you are looking for some answers and seeking clarity, this episode is for you on how to find clarity in life.  In this episode Lucy is sharing her top 5 strategies to help you find clarity whenever you need to in life:

1. Self awareness through Self-Reflection

2. Clarify Your Values

3. Set Intentions

4. Declutter Your Mind and Environment

5. Take Action

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WATCH THE EPISODE

If you are looking for some answers and seeking clarity, this episode is for you. Finding clarity in life can feel overwhelming when you are unsure of your path ahead. But with some intentional practices, you can absolutely gain focus and direction, fast. So today I’m sharing my top 5 strategies to help you find clarity whenever you need to in life:

1. Self awareness through Self-Reflection

Remember that anytime you need answers, always remember that everything starts with self awareness. Spend time to assess your life. Whether that’s through journaling, meditating, or simply thinking about your current state can bring to light what’s working and what isn’t working. 

Ask yourself these 3 important questions:

• What truly matters to me?
• What do I enjoy doing most?
• What am I avoiding, and why?

Feel free to hit the pause button now to answer these 3 important questions and again they are: 

• What truly matters to me?
• What do I enjoy doing most?
• What am I avoiding, and why?

2. Clarify Your Values

Understand your core values. What principles guide your decisions and behavior? Knowing your values helps prioritize what to focus on and leads to decisions aligned with who you are. 

For example, for me, my priority is always family first. Knowing this priority, it is much faster for me to make decisions based on whether or not I will be able to attend to my family’s plans. 

Another example is one of my top values is making ethical decisions. So it is very clear to me that I will work with ethical companies and people who also are doing ethical work, I only work with those who are kind to others and like me want to contribute to better humanity. 

So if you have trouble seeing clarity in your next steps, make sure you get clear on your own values first. 

Make a list, what do you value the most in life? 

3. Set Intentions

Instead of just focusing on long-term goals, set clear intentions for how you want to live daily. These intentions could be around your well-being, relationships, work, or personal growth.

We can even take as many breaks throughout the day, each day, to reset our intentions. Anytime you feel the need, simply close your eyes for a minute, do one to two minutes of deep breathing, and say to yourself, when I open my eyes, my new intention is to ___________. 

An example could be if you are stressing about going into a meeting. You can shift your focus, by closing your eyes for a minute to breathe deeply and say: When I open my eyes, my new intention is to focus on how far I’ve come, how much I’ve already accomplished and just walk into the meeting room with confidence. 

Another example could be if you are stressing about going to a networking event full of strangers, instead of focusing on how introverted you are you can shift your focus, by closing your eyes for a minute to breathe deeply and say: When I open my eyes, my new intention is to focus meeting each person with authenticity and providing them value in any way possible. 

You see what we focus on grows, so instead of thinking about your fears and thinking about how you are lacking clarity or your next move, reset your intention as many times as possible to get focused on what really matters. 

4. Declutter Your Mind and Environment

A cluttered space can reflect a cluttered mind. Simplify your surroundings to remove distractions. Many times, when we remove junk from our physical environment we start to get clarity in our mind. So cleaning up your desk, a corner in your room or changing up your wall art, all these can possibly help you hit your next light bulb. 

Declutter your mind by letting go of unproductive thoughts and activities that don’t serve your purpose. Instead of drowning in your to do list, I often ask my clients to make a “Let Go List” or “Not To Do” List. What thoughts will you stop thinking about, what are you doing that you don’t actually want to do? List them down and watch how they can change your life. 

5. Take Action

Clarity comes after action, not before. Even small steps toward your goals or interests can provide insights into what feels right and help you refine your direction. Many times we wait for clarity until we take action, but that wait can be forever! And sometimes when we take action, we realize it isn’t what we thought it to be, and that’s ok too, it is still better than inaction and that new found realization becomes your true clarity. 

Extra Credit Points: 

Embrace Uncertainty

Accept that you won’t have all the answers immediately. The process of finding clarity is gradual, and sometimes not knowing is part of the journey.

Seek Guidance

Talk with mentors and coaches who can offer a new perspective. Sometimes we’re too close to our own challenges to see clearly and although our friends mean well for use, they might lack the neutral outsider point of view you need to make an unbiased decision.

Stay Present

Focus on the present moment instead of getting lost in future worries or past regrets. Mindfulness can help you connect with what’s important to you right now and allow clarity to emerge naturally.

Visualize Your Ideal Life

Create a vision of what your ideal life looks like, including how you want to feel, the work you want to do, and the relationships you want to have. This visualization can act as a guide when making decisions.

By practicing these steps, you can gradually refine what’s meaningful to you, allowing clarity to unfold. 

Does any of this resonate with your current journey? Send me a DM and let me know. 

With guest Disability Advocate Tiffany Yu we are here to talk about Smashing Stereotypes & Forging Change.

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WATCH THE EPISODE

At age nine, Tiffany Yu became disabled in a car accident that also resulted in the death of her father and left her with PTSD.

Now Tiffany Yu, founder and CEO of Diversability is an award-winning social impact entrepreneur, disability advocate, and content creator. She is also an in-demand speaker, podcast host, 3 times TEDx speaker and her work and story have been featured in tons of top publications such as The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Forbes, USA Today, and author of book The Anti-Ableist Manifesto. 

​

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Hello, hello, beautiful souls, this episode is for you, if you want a dose of inspiration to smashing stereotypes and forging change, not only in your life and business, but also for the greater community. And for that, I have my special guest, Tiffany Yu, founder and CEO of Diversibility, who is an award winning social impact entrepreneur, disability advocate and content creator. She is also an in-demand speaker, podcast host, three times TEDx speaker and her work and story have been featured in top publications, such as the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, Forbes, USA Today.

And we would be here for a long time if I had to list out all of her amazingness. So let’s cut it short. She is the bestselling author of her new book, the Anti-Ableist Manifesto.

Welcome to the show, Tiffany.

Thanks so much for having me. Not a bestseller yet, but we can manifest it.

Well, by the time this episode air, it will happen. I know it. I love your book.

Love your story. A quick preview. At age nine, Tiffany, you became disabled in a car accident that also resulted in the death of your father and left you with PTSD.

Now let’s hear your side of the story.

Yeah, so that’s the one sentence version of it. If you want the 10 minute version of it, I have a TEDx talk called The Power of Exclusion. But as you mentioned, at the age of nine, I was in this car accident.

I acquired a handful of injuries, including permanently paralyzing one of my arms, breaking a couple bones in one of my legs that would leave me in a wheelchair as a temporary wheelchair user for about four months. And then much later being diagnosed with a mental health disability, PTSD, as you also mentioned. And one of the things I want to highlight is that we don’t owe anyone these disability origin stories.

But part of why I share mine is that I think it provides or I want it to provide context. So I’m coming into this conversation as someone who acquired my disability at a young age. I wasn’t born with it.

In addition to that, I acquired my disability as a result of a tragic accident where someone else passed away. So there are multiple layers of grief in there. But there’s a little bit of nuance in terms of, yes, the car accident was tragic.

But my life and existence as a disabled person is not. And how can we separate that? Yes, there are some sad parts about that story.

But my current existence isn’t sad. And that’s part of the unlearning that I’m trying to get people to do through this book, through the social media series, through our work at Diversibility. Unlearning ableism and unlearning these harmful thoughts about the disability community.

I can’t even imagine what you have gone through. But I 100% believe that all hindrances in life eventually become our assets. Would you agree with me?

You know, I agree with it now, 27 years after the accident. But in a lot of ways, I still wish that what happened to 9-year-old Tiffany didn’t. Sometimes when I watch old videos of myself, even that 2018 TEDx talk that I mentioned, I like start crying.

Because I don’t want kids to go through things that make them not get to celebrate the fullness of being a child and that childhood innocence. And at the same time, I also understand there are a lot of hard things, and formally they’re called adverse childhood experiences, that do happen to kids. But how can we lessen them?

Or how can we start the healing process sooner? But in a lot of ways, I guess what I am most grateful for is that I discovered and connected with the disability community. And that I am a part of this beautiful community for the last almost 30 years.

So essentially, I like to tell people that some of us within the disability community have what are called two disability origin stories. So I shared the first about the car accident. That’s the first origin.

But then there’s a second origin, which is the turning point or the moment or a long period or a phase or chapter, when a disabled person decides to take pride, ownership, identity, even at a baseline level, just acceptance of a disability identity. And I will share that maybe not a lot of disabled people will get to that second origin story. But I think for me, yes, the hard thing was there.

But I’m so grateful I got to that second story, which happened about 15 years ago with the beginnings with the creation of Diversibility and this disability community. And that I think I’m more grateful for. But yes, that that first that first story, and I think the experiences that happened up until that second story became the fuel for my fire, and why I wanted to dedicate my life to building communities everywhere I went.

Beautifully said.

And if you’re new to disability, we will talk about a little bit more about that later on in our conversation. But if you are, you know, not relating to disability, I want you to think about any hardship. This could, you know, mean childhood trauma in other ways, or just hardship along your life that’s hindering you from living the life that you deserve.

So Tiffany, what stereotypes did you have to smash along the way of your personal development?

Yeah, and I know your audience is, you know, focused on growth. So I want to put a little asterisk in that when Lucy and I first met, we were at a conference. And my company Diversibility was actually in the running to win $60,000 in the small business promotion contest thing.

And I was literally just going around and telling everyone to scan this QR code and vote. So anyway, so I just wanted to mention that in case we wanted to talk about that part of growing and kind of building your business too. But I think the stereotypes I had to overcome were around thinking that as a disabled person, I wasn’t going to amount to much.

And as an Asian woman, that my voice and story didn’t matter. And I think that being at this trifecta of being Asian and being a woman and being disabled, there are so many stereotypes that I think we’re combating all the time. And I will say that, interestingly enough, even though my work is so disability centered, most of the positive feedback I get and support is actually from Asian women who are really proud to see someone standing in their truth or in their purpose, going out and using their voice, trying to advocate to make this world a little bit better for all of us.

So you talked about the second half, right, where you get to the better end. What kind of mindset shifts did you need to make in order to forge changes in your own life?

Ooh, such a good question. This is why coaches are good podcast hosts, because you ask the best questions. You know, I will say that I, I guess I will first preface by saying I read this amazing book called Daring Greatly in 2016 by Brene Brown.

And after that point in time, I really decided that I wanted to lead with vulnerability. And I want to, I don’t know if I’ve necessarily overcome the hurdles. I still have a very loud inner critic.

I’ve actually given them a whole personality and a name, and sometimes they show up in full force. But one thing I’ve had to remind myself, and I guess what keeps me going, is that my mission is bigger than me. So one small example I can share is that I really, I really don’t like the sound of my voice.

And I’ve been on, I do a lot of speaking engagements for a living. I was a podcast host. I’ve been a guest on a lot of podcasts.

I make a lot of video content. And I hate going back and re-watching or re-listening to it. But I remember, I’m on your podcast.

I’m reaching your audiences now. The message is bigger than how self-conscious I feel about the way I’m speaking.

I can relate so much to what you just said, Tiffany. Because even as, you know, this will be podcast episode number 243, I still hate my voice. Like, when I listen to it, I’m like, I wish I sound better, right?

But that can’t stop us from doing what we love. And that is to make someone else stay better. That is to add value to someone else’s life.

And I think if we come from a place of service, that makes a world of difference. Instead of focusing on ourselves, right? Like, I lack.

I’m not good enough. Instead of what we are able to do.

I will say something. So, Diversibility is turning 15 this year. Very exciting.

Someone made a joke that I started it when I was in kindergarten. But we’ll do another episode on skincare secrets later. But something I did have to learn early on in my journey is, I did feel like I was pouring from an empty cup for a long period of time.

And actually, maybe one learning I’ve had is like, being able to better set boundaries around my time, especially if we are in service to others, is knowing like, okay, in order for us to be in service to others, I need to make sure my own cup is overflowing. I need to make sure I’m making time and harmony and balance for rest. That is something that I’ve definitely prioritized in these last couple of years.

But yeah, the message is bigger than we are. And do what we need to do to take care of ourselves too.

And coming back to what you said earlier, Tiffany, we met in person for the first time at this conference. And she is just so powerful. I see her going around with this QR code asking people to vote for her.

I’m like, yes, I voted for you. And everyone was like, yes, yes, we voted. Yes, done.

Like, you were fearless. And I love that. And when I think of the word disability now, it just equates to power to me because of you.

And I know it took you a long time to get there. Because like in your book, you talked about once the accident happened to you, you didn’t even tell any of your friends that your father passed away for how many years? For 12 years.

And just like so many things happened to us that we hide to ourselves. And that creates the inner stress, right? The disorder, the PTSD.

And that happens to a lot of us on different levels with different stories that we tell ourselves, whether that’s relationship, work, personal. It could be anything, right? It’s different for every human being.

But as long as you are a human being, all of us have our stories. It’s about what we do with your story. And I love what you did with your story.

What mindset shift for you it was to open up and make that mindset shift?

I think it was realizing like I actually still remember the date that I shared the story of the car accident publicly for the first time. And I know you probably read this in the intro, but it was October 22, 2009. The car accident was in 1997.

And when I shared that story, I cried. But what I realized afterward, after sharing it, was that people saw themselves in my story. And I think one of the things I had to learn about sharing stories was why am I telling this story, right?

So I know when we opened up this conversation, I’m sharing this story to provide context. Not only is it context around who I am, but why I care so much about my work. And also what unique disability perspective I’m bringing into the community that I’m a part of as well.

And all of the intersections as well. So the mindset shift I think was, and I don’t want to be, I think one of the things I’ve had to unlearn is putting so much of my self-worth on other people’s opinions of me. But I will say that some of the positive feedback and mirroring that I received from other people who saw themselves in my story and then felt comfortable starting to share more of theirs.

And I actually loved, Lucy, that you shared that you see disability as power because you met me. You know, and you saw me fearlessly going around with this QR code. And I think even you naming that shift is part of the shift that I’m hoping to make.

So yeah, in the beginning, and I don’t know if it was a mindset shift per say. In a lot of ways, I feel like I came into all of this work accidentally. So when I started Diversibility, I would not have self-identified as a disability advocate.

I saw myself as someone who so desperately wanted and needed a community to not feel so isolated and alone in this experience. Maybe the mindset shift was a breaking point of saying, I feel so alone and screaming out into the void. I mean, now we have so many ways to connect with people.

But back in 2009, it was, this is something I know I need. Is anyone else there who might need this as well? And I actually think that was the beginning.

I didn’t have the language for it of finding that product market fit per se. And I would always tell myself, hey, if no one showed up to our events or wanted to join or stop joining our community, then we have served our purpose, right? I don’t want to just create something that exists out there that, as you said, is not in service to other people.

So yeah, I guess I would call it an accidental mindset shift then.

I love it. Two things I love about what you just said, because a lot of things happen by accident. I would have never knew I wanted to be a podcast host, right?

Before starting my podcast, I didn’t even listen to podcasts. And then my business coach put me on my first interview, guesting on another podcast, and I just absolutely fell in love. And it just happened by accident.

So as long as you’re moving forward, you never know what opportunities arise, right? You never know. But none of it would happen if you’re sitting at home and being indecisive and taking inaction, right?

So there’s no such thing as procrastination. It’s just inaction. And success loves action and speedy action.

And I love how you just pointed out we never know where life takes us. But as long as we’re moving forward, it’s going to take us there. And beautiful opportunities arise from it just could arise from anywhere, right?

And the second thing I really loved about what you said is the keyword unlearn. I am an incessant learner myself. I’m always reading.

I love learning. But I think the biggest breakthroughs in life for me came from unlearning certain things, right? I’m sure we’ve been there.

And as entrepreneurs, there’s always burnout times, burnout stories with every entrepreneur at one point. But how do we unlearn what we thought was what we wanted and really to let go? To live the freedom that we chose, that life we truly want to design for ourselves?

Yeah, I talk a lot. I mean, it’s also unlearning other people’s imposed definitions of success on us. I talk a lot about, you know, I mentioned unlearning ableism, unlearning shame.

There are so many things that are ingrained in us from an early age. And I also have compassion for that little one, for learning those things that may be protected, they thought would protect them for a period of time. But yeah, I love that you mentioned both making space for learning and unlearning.

Absolutely. What else did you unlearn through the process of starting a company? Because that wasn’t your major, right?

That’s not where you started out. You and I both started out in the finance world. How did you get into business?

And how did you unlearn what was different than what you expected?

Oh, so I’ll tie it back to where Lucy and I met, which is we met at this conference called Your First Million Live. It was hosted by this incredible venture capitalist author, many hyphens named Arlan Hamilton. And I actually think that the biggest thing I had to unlearn was that I would call myself a multi-hyphenate.

I’ve got, you know, before we started recording, we’re talking about just lots, lots of good things going on. I’ve got a book coming out or running this business. I create content on social media and doing speaking engagements.

There’s a lot, right? And I remember thinking that I needed to generate all of my income from one place, this business that I was starting, for it to be successful. And then as we realized, hey, within this company, we need to diversify our streams of revenue.

Like, it’s not just our memberships in our community, but what about events? What about merch? It made me think about Tiffany’s own personal income statement, I guess, and all of the different ways that I could generate income.

And the reason why I brought up Arlen was early on, I attended like a one-hour session that she had hosted about all of her different streams of income. And she made a list of all the places, speaking, I don’t know, but there were like eight of them. And then she had a list right next to it, which was where all of that money gets allocated, right?

So maybe you are, so for example, for me, the majority of the money that we make at Diversibility goes to paying our team members and paying disabled speakers that we hire and contributors and other things like that. And then if I, you know, I remember once I started creating content and that started bringing in some brand partnerships, I said, oh, the money I make from this, I want it to go towards starting like a scholarship or an endowment fund at my university to support disabled students and disability initiatives. And so like, you have your list of eight or however many it has, and then you have another list that shares where that money goes.

And then maybe, you know, and don’t forget, you have the money for rent and food, you know, parking and we’re in LA and other things like that. But I think when she broke it down like that, it made me realize, oh, if what I’m using, if the money I’m using to pay my rent is not coming from money that we’re making at Diversibility, maybe it’s coming from my speaking income. That’s okay, right?

It doesn’t have to be all one thing. So I will say, you know, Diversibility, we’re hybrid, we’ve got for-profit and nonprofit. And at the same time, I spend a lot of time on it.

And I love it, which is why I keep doing it. But it isn’t necessarily what is contributing the most to my, to my bottom line, to my personal bottom line.

What a great reminder to diversify, right? And really to build that portfolio and think outside the box.

Yeah, that answer was going like a little bit, a little bit in the weeds.

Yeah, but as entrepreneurs, and I think that’s the definition of entrepreneurship is really to have multiple, like, you know, we are, we have all these titles, but yes, we have multiple income streams. And I think that’s what an entrepreneur is. And even if you’re working at a full time job, you can still have a side hustle or you can still have 10 other streams of income.

So think outside the box. I love it. So let’s get into a little bit about ableism, because that is a word I, I’ve been following Tiffany on social for, I think, three, four years.

And I think I did not know about this word until I met you. So let’s start there. What is ableism?

Yeah, so I first want to highlight that ableism is similar to other systems of oppression, words like racism or sexism, which we may have heard of before. Interestingly enough, the word ableism actually only became elevated in consciousness, I think in the 1980s. I did write about the history of it in the book, but it’s been around for a long time.

So the definition of ableism is when we devalue someone based on the way their body and our mind works. A more simplified way could be discrimination on the basis of disability. But the reason why I use the, when we devalue someone based on the way their body and our mind works, it’s asked us to really think about all of the ways that might not be connected to a disability identity where we devalue someone’s body and our mind.

So I think about how sexism and ableism might intersect when we question a woman’s intellect, when we make fun of the way she speaks, when the media dissects her body or like changes her weight. You know, those are examples where we actually see ableism and sexism intersect. But yeah, it’s a newer term, but ableism in terms of devaluing people has been around forever.

But yeah, and so to be anti-ableist, which is part of the title of my book, and probably the social media series that you came across when you started following me, is what are the ways that we don’t do that, that we actually value someone equitably based on how their body and our mind works? This is where accessibility accommodations come in, but I’m going off on my soapbox. So that’s what ableism is.

I love it. And I love how you talked about how words, I always talk about how words are so powerful. And you talked about in your book, ableist words, such as suffering from disability.

We can change that into more empowering words, such as living with disability, right? And I think that is profound mindset shift. Even with anything you are dealing with in life, right?

You’re suffering from an event that happened to you. You are simply living with it. That is the fact.

And when you change your wording around the situation, the outcome and how you feel about it, and the actions you take will be completely different. So it’s really essential for the words that we are using, right? And I know for you, Tiffany, your disability was actually not very apparent, as we can see your beautiful smile here.

But in those difficult times, when you hit a bump in your life, what is a favorite quote that you go by?

This quote is from someone named Francis Weller. And the quote is, The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other, and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can we hold?

That’s how much gratitude we can give.

I love that. I’m big on gratitude. So thank you for sharing.

And where can we find you?

You can find me, the best place is on my website, TiffanyYu.com. That will have links to learn more about the book that Lucy has been referencing, and all of my social links so you can follow and stay connected with me. Thank you so much.

Thank you.