This episode is for you if you want to start off the year right 10 x your life 10 x your business, whatever your goals you have, because my expert is just about that. Maya Elious today I have with me is an award winning business coach, personal branding strategist and the go to expert when it comes to clarifying your message and attracting high end clients. Doesn’t that sound good?

Maya is the CEO of built to impact and through her programs and live events. She’s helped 1000s of clients built six figure businesses and has been featured in top publications like black enterprise, Forbes Business Insider. 

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Welcome to the show, Maya.

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for having me. I’m excited to start off the new years with you and the listeners.

Thank you. Well, it’s the beginning of the new year. And we all are looking to 10 x our life business, whatever, right?

But what does 10 x your life and business actually mean to you, Maya?

When I think about 10 x in my life, I think about how can I create a big enough vision that forces me to completely shift my identity from who I am into who I have to be to have the money that I want the relationships that I want the life that I want. 

So when I think about 10 x, it’s not just about, oh, here’s a couple different, you know, new things that I could try. It’s about who do I have to be, I need to completely shift my thinking, shift my habits and shift my routines.

I love that so much. I talk about this with my clients as well, right? You are version 1.0. Right now, say you want to upgrade to version 2.0. But actually, what you want to think about is what would version 10.0 of you think, right? What would that version of you think and act and and what kind of embodiment does that need to happen?

100% I have this live event every year in Atlanta called impact weekend. It’s actually not that far from now it’s gonna be in February. But one of the first things that we do before we even dive deep into the business strategies is we do a guided visualization exercise.

And during that exercise, I’m having them think about three to five years into the future. And I’m like, what does your house look like? What does your body look like?

What are your relationships look like? What are your biggest achievements? And then once I have them visualize that in the visualization, I also have them journal in real time, what did I do five years prior to get to the life that I have now, and then I have them just embody being that person throughout the entire weekend.

So when I’m giving them the business strategies, and they’re running into resistance, and they’re running into fear, it’s like, you already know that this is possible for you, you have to have the mindset that I can do hard things. And then I’m fully equipped to be able to overcome any challenges that would keep me from having the life in the business that I want.

I love that. And you said the key word mindset, right? So before you have the 10x life and it’s really about 10x your thinking and 10x your mindset first, right?

100% 100%. When I think about mindset, the way that I frame it with my clients, I’m like, how can we have a VIP mindset? And what does that even mean?

I have them first think about the vision because you always have to have a level of clarity of where you want to go. It’s like, well, where do you want to go?

 You don’t know what’s going to happen in your life five years from now, if you haven’t already made the decision in your mind what you want to happen.

So we have to get very, very clear on that vision. And then the I stands for identity, who is the person that you need to become? If you think about what you want for yourself five years from now, and you honestly answer the question, is the version of who I am right now capable of creating this life?

Or do I need to change some things? Do I need to wake up earlier? Do I need to start working out?

Do I need to work longer hours, you know, whatever it is starting to think about who I need to become? What are the new habits that I need to set? What are some of the routines that I need to start implementing?

And then the P’s stand for the people in the places, which really this is all about environment. Who are the people that I’m spending time with? And where are the places that I’m spending my time?

And sometimes we think about this so literally, we think about like, oh, where, you know, where am I hanging out with people? Or who am I talking to through text or on the phone or like going out to dinner with? And even just thinking about the people you’re following and the social media platforms that you’re on, how you’re allowing that to influence your mind, you have to be in so intentional about the podcast you’re listening to the books that you’re reading, the shows that you’re watching the music that you’re listening to, it can seem like those things aren’t a big deal.

But the way that we think affects our reality and the way that we think is heavily influenced by what we are watching and listening to.

Totally. And you mentioned podcast, I forgot to mention your podcast house, do and your podcast is called my podcast is called work hard, live soft.

And we just talk about what is the work that’s needed to be done. So you can live the soft life. So you can live a life that is fulfilling, impactful, and really enjoyable.

I love it. And I was listening this morning. And Maya is coming actually to us from Mexico, right?

Like that’s the soft life.

Yes, yes, I’m usually based in Atlanta. But when my lease ended, about a week and a half ago, I’m like, I want to just travel the world now. So I didn’t renew my lease, I made the decision, like, let me go to Mexico right before Christmas, just get some beach time, get some sun time, I love being by the water and getting some sun.

And then I just want to travel the world after this. I think I’ll try Columbia, I’ll try Thailand, I’ll go back to Bali. So I’m really excited to see what 2025 has in store in terms of just new revelation and exploring the world and exploring just my own growth.

That’s awesome. That’s just so awesome. And I mean, people say I’m going to travel, but a lot of people actually don’t do it.

Right? Like people say, I love traveling, I want to go travel the world. But where Where have you been?

Right? Right, you’ve been saying this, why haven’t you gotten that passport stamps? Why haven’t you booked the flight?

Yeah, but you know what, sometimes I mean, I absolutely believe in baby steps, because most people are actually doing nothing. They’re not taking any step forward. So even if you take baby steps, that’s actually what it takes to help move you forward.

So baby steps is always better than inaction. And inaction is a decision. And it’s all about decision making, right?

The type of decisions you make each day will add up to your entire life. But sometimes I feel like, yes, I believe in baby steps, but expedited growth could actually be easier than slow growth, meaning 10x is actually easier than just only two x in your life. Would you agree with me?

Yes, 100%. Just doing the big scary thing versus trying to tiptoe in. It’s kind of like, you know, when you go to the beach, or you go to the pool, and you’re like trying to put your toe in or you’re trying to slowly go in because you’re afraid to be cold.

And it’s like, girl, just jumped in, it’s gonna feel so much better if you just jump in versus trying to tiptoe in and feeling the slow pain along the way.

But, you know, we’re not talking about 10x like working 10 times the amount of hours that you do now. Okay, we’re not talking about that. We’re not talking about doing more work, because a lot of people feel like you actually need to do more work in order to make more money or accomplish more.

But I think what I preach is that we can actually accomplish more by doing less because we value our time more because we stay more focused. 100%.

Yeah, I completely agree with that. It’s not about doing more. It’s about having a bigger vision.

So what you do, you can maximize it better, and you can leverage it better. So even like when I think about my work ethic at you know, $100,000 versus my work ethic at a million dollars, I still had a lot of great work ethic. But a big difference with 10x in my revenue was not working harder, it was thinking bigger, and then making sure that I had the support and communicating that vision to the right people who could help me execute that vision.

Like if you’re trying to work your way to 10x, you’re going to get burnt out at about 3x or at about 5x, you have to think bigger and then say, what’s the type of work that I need to do so that way it gets better results faster. It’s kind of like going from one on one coaching to going to one to many. It’s like I can have the same results, but I’m spending this the same or less time working to get better results.

And you mentioned going from 100k to a million, like what is the biggest difference for you?

I think the biggest difference is honestly vision and having people who can help me execute that vision. When I was making $100,000, I remember the year before I had my first six-figure year, I made about $89,000. And I knew that I was like, this $11,000 gap is not a missing strategy that I have in place.

I knew for me, it was something mindset related. And so I asked myself and I’m very reflective and I asked myself questions and I’m like, what was that $11,000 gap? Why didn’t I make $100,000 when I had done five-figure months consistently and I was doing very well and I had a good audience.

And I know for me that it was, I lacked boundaries and there was a limiting belief that I didn’t deserve to make $100,000. And that limiting belief came from the fact that I was always the person amongst my friends and family where if they needed something, I would step in. I was that person that was essentially like a savior.

Like I just was not good at boundaries. And so one of the things that I had to figure out was how do I establish boundaries so I don’t feel like I have to give all of my gifts and all of my resources away for free. Once I started to develop my mindset around boundaries, I made, I think maybe like $150,000 a year later.

Then three years later, when I made that million dollars, I expanded my thinking and my beliefs to what was possible for me. I think we can work our way to $100,000. And then when you’re going to a million, your mind really has to shift into believing that not only can you do it, but that you’re deserving of it.

At any point, if you don’t believe you’re deserving of it, you’re going to ultimately self-sabotage the work that you’re doing or the opportunities that you attract or self-sabotage and you subconsciously reject. And so I think I needed to believe that it was possible. And I also needed to release a little bit of control on the how.

I remember writing down like prayers and affirmations. And I remember writing down like, I am so happy and grateful that I run a multimillion dollar company, helping women of faith without sacrificing my integrity. I knew what I wanted to do.

I knew the type of person I wanted to be when I hit that goal, but I didn’t have enough experience in business to know exactly how I was going to do it. I had some ideas in my head. And I think just having the vision, writing it down, making it plain and holding that vision every single day, you start to transform into the person who can attract that and actually build a million dollar business.

I love that. I love how you mentioned you’re attracting, you’re not begging for it. You’re not desperate, right?

Because sometimes women resort to a different energy when they’re not doing as good as they imagined. And they’re just desperately seeking the next marketing technique, or, you know, a different business coach that’s going to just magically wave someone and help their business. But I love how you your example was your boundaries, right, your control, your worthiness, it always comes back to self worthiness.

So it’s always about personal development, no matter where you are in life and business and career, wherever you are in life.

100%. And I love what you said about desperation. Like one thing that I tell women in my community is that desperation causes you to dismiss your discernment.

You make decisions differently when you’re desperate versus when you are feeling empowered. And when you are desperate, you’re grasping for anything. You’re not making decisions using wisdom, you’re making decisions from a lack mindset of like, let me just work with this person, or let me just sell this thing, or let me just price it here, because I’m so desperate, I need to make this money, or I need to be able to have these opportunities.

But when you have a strong belief that this is possible for me, and this is the standard at which I want to operate, you are confident saying no to more things, right? Here’s where boundaries come back into play, where you’re like, I’m okay with saying no to this thing that has been presented to me as an opportunity, because discernment has already clearly communicated to me that this isn’t for me, and that what is for me is not going to pass me by, because I’m feeling confident, and I’m feeling empowered. And I don’t need to operate with this level of desperation thinking that if I say no to something that I’ll never get the opportunity that I desire.

Beautifully said. So with your clients, what is the number one mistake you see them making that’s killing their confidence?

Oh, that’s killing their confidence. I would say, probably two things. I think comparing themselves to other people, and just like part of that comparison is making an assumption that what somebody else is doing is working.

Whether or not it’s working for them, it’s like, it doesn’t matter what’s working for them. Girl, you got to figure out what’s working for you. And so they’re making this comparison that this person is better, that what this person has going on is working, and whether or not it’s working.

The other mistake is your work ethic isn’t even matching. So if you’re going to compare somebody’s results, you better compare the work ethic. I don’t want to hear that you’re jealous that somebody made money.

I don’t want to hear that you feel a type of way that this person isn’t as talented as you, but they have more recognition. They’re still doing the work. And at the end of the day, when it comes down to business, the best marketer wins.

So if you’re not willing to create the content, you’re not willing to go live, you’re not willing to be visible, you’re constantly trying to build a business where you don’t have to do sales calls, you don’t have to do webinars, you don’t have to create content, you don’t have to write emails, you have no right to be trying to compare yourself to somebody who’s actively doing the work. And confidence comes from seeing the results from the work that you’re putting in. And so consistently, oftentimes what I see with people is that they’re upset about results that they didn’t get from work that they didn’t do.

And it’s like, it doesn’t work like that. You’re going to have to put in the work. And then we could start talking about maybe what we can tweak within your work for you to see better results.

Oh, I love that. I remember my first business coach, she really inspired me because she was making six figures with a email list of 400 people. So she was like, it doesn’t matter the size, it’s about what you are actually doing.

And I know this reminds me of one of your Instagram posts where you showed your past videos, like, you know, where you said, it’s not overnight success. So it’s like a 10 year in the making where you showed your videos from the past where there’s bad video quality, bad audio quality, when you said you had 30 subscribers, we all start from zero, right? There’s no overnight success.

We’ve all been there.

Yeah, yeah. And I think that goes back to your point where you said you believe in baby steps. And I love one of one of my inspirations is reading the Bible and just taking scripture and saying, How can I apply it or use this for And the word says that don’t despise small beginnings.

And I think sometimes we are when it comes to 10 xing, it is about 10 xing your vision, but also knowing what work needs to go in place to see that vision come to fruition. And it’s like the version of me that started when I was 18 years old, the version of me that started with zero, the version of me that started with janky video quality, janky audio quality, and not knowing what she was doing. Had I not been that version who was willing to start willing to fail, willing to look silly in front of people, willing to risk, you know, not looking like the perfect example of a brand strategist or the perfect example of an entrepreneur had it not been for that version of me that was willing to start small to then get something bigger, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

So I just have to encourage everybody while you’re thinking about the bigger picture, you have to say, but what steps am I taking right now today in every single day to make sure that I am growing as a person because I have to do something today in order to make it better. Most people are so riddled with perfectionism because they’re so afraid to fail. And it’s like, you can’t perfect anything that you haven’t started.

You can’t make anything better that you haven’t put out into the universe. So take the small steps so you can live the bigger life.

Beautiful perfection is illusion. And practice leads to improvement, not perfection anyways.

Right? It’s like, perfection totally is an illusion. I’m like, I haven’t done anything perfectly yet. And I’ve been for over a decade.

Awesome, Maya. Well, on your low days, what is one quote that you go by that’ll help you pick yourself back up?

A quote? I don’t know if it’s a quote, more so than it is a perspective. I, I really operate with a perspective of gratitude.

And I think about how the worst part of my day or the most annoying part of my day truly highlights how blessed I am. If it’s like the worst part of my day was I had to walk in the rain and it’s like, well, girl, you are able-bodied and you’re able to walk. Or the worst part of my day was that I didn’t hit my revenue goal.

And it’s like, well, thank God you have a business where you’re hitting goals to the point where you feel sad that you didn’t make as much money. And so I think just having that perspective of, if this is the worst part of your day, you have a very rich life.

I love that. Thank you for sharing. Awesome.

So where can we find you?

Yeah. So you guys can find me on Instagram at Maya Elias, M-A-Y-A-E-L-I-O-U-S. I would love to connect with you.

And if you’re mapping out your 2025 goals and you want to see how I plan my year and my life in business, you can go to mayaelious.com slash dream life. I have a free dream life planner on there that I think will be very helpful for you.

Awesome. Thank you.

Hello, hello beautiful souls. Happy New Year!

It’s the beginning of the new year and everyone is super motivated to start the year fresh, I know.

So let’s make a difference and see changes to life this year.

To start off the new year, I’d like to start with going over the top five mistakes I see people make in hindering their growth.

So please remind yourself to avoid these bad habits at all costs if you want to have a great year, boost your confidence and fulfill your highest potential. 

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I’m not going to do a backwards countdown, five, four, three, two, one.

I’m going straight to number one because it’s so important that you get this habit out of your life now and that is not keeping promises to yourself.

That includes not showing up to appointments, signing up for online webinars, workshops, in person or online of course, being on time, workout, walking the dog, whatever it is.

Think back to the last time you did not keep a promise to yourself, okay?

Because not keeping promises to yourself is often considered the worst habit because it absolutely kills your self-trust, personal confidence and personal growth.

When you consistently fail to keep promises to yourself, you begin to doubt your own commitment and reliability.

This internal mistrust makes it harder to set and achieve future goals because deep down, subconsciously, you already no longer believe in your own abilities to follow through.

Each time you fail to keep a promise to yourself, it can trigger harsh inner criticism.

This cycle of negative self-talk will most likely be the cause of your self-sabotage.

Each broken promise, big or small, they reinforce the habit of procrastination, making it easier for you to justify putting things off, making more excuses for yourself and it becomes even harder to establish discipline to accomplish all your goals. Confidence is built through small, consistent wins to proving yourself that you can meet your commitments.

When you make a promise to yourself and keep the promise, you’re making a small deposit in your confidence bank.

And don’t we want that bank account to grow, right? So start small.

Even the smallest promises to yourself are critical.

For example, I promised myself to never hit the snooze button in the day, each day, knowing that the minute I wake up, I’ve kept my promise to myself and I am able and I am a reliable person and I can make things happen. So keep going, make promises to yourself that are realistic and achievable and actually follow through each day.

And over time, this will build your self-trust and confidence, creating a very positive cycle of growth and self-belief. Make a promise, keep your promise, that is working out your confidence muscle. We go to the gym to work out our physical muscles, so do this to work out your mental muscle.

The second habit that I see so often killing people’s growth is absolutely overthinking.

Oh boy, how I love this one because not only do we overthink, we actually then spend more time overthinking how we have wasted all that time overthinking. My favorite example was when a client said, Lucy, I realized I’ve been overthinking lately and then I realized yesterday I just spent one whole hour thinking about how I’ve been overthinking so much lately.

You see, that starts another cycle of harsh inner criticism, self-sabotage, procrastination, you name it.

This one bad habit of overthinking can trigger so much emotions and other bad habits that you go into inaction and negative spirals. So be very aware of holding yourself out of this habit intentionally.

When we overthink, we tend to not take action and put things on the back burner. And once it’s there, it might be there for a day, month, a year. And this is especially true for women.

We tend to not go for things until we feel 100% ready. And even when we are ready, we feel we’re still not ready. There’s always a missing piece, right?

There’s always not the right time. You’re always too busy. There’s always excuses.

So it’s really about whether or not you want something done. And once you’ve determined that you have a clear goal, there is something you want to do, stop overthinking. Yes, you want to think about the strategic planning and the action steps you will actually take to get there, but not to just sit around and think about all the possibilities that could go wrong, right?

Instead, think about all the opportunities that might arise from you taking more action.

Okay, the third habit is being scattered. I see this so much on coaching calls.

You want A, you want B, you want C, D, E, F, G.

I mean, that is great. That’s amazing. But you got to stay focused and just take action towards A first, right?

Because sometimes when we want the whole alphabet, we’re looking at Z as in zebra and thinking, oh my goodness, that is so daunting. That is so scary. I will never get there.

And therefore, you’re not getting anywhere. So stay focused. And this topic is so essential.

I’m actually going to do another whole episode just on how to stay focused. But for now, just always remember what you focus on growth. So only focus on your own growth and one area of your life or business or career that you like to focus on.

Yes, Lucy is a believer that you can have it all, but just not all at the same time. Lucy is a podcaster, an author and a coach. Well, I am all of that, but it did not happen all at the same time.

I launched my podcast and then I co-authored in a book and then I wrote my own book and it happened in baby steps, but I focus on one goal at a time. And so should you. If you have 10 things you want to do in the next year, let’s circle your top three and then decide on your number one and go do that.

This is the fourth habit that’s absolutely killing your confidence is negative self-talk, that inner critic, that little devil voice.

We got to listen to the angel, right? The angel, the devil says, you can’t do this.

Who are you to do this? Why are you doing this? Right?

And the angel is saying, you’ve got this. You are amazing. You are remarkable.

This is the perfect time. So which voice are you listening to? I’m hoping that you will have more awareness in your self-talk after today.

Whenever that negative self-talk arises, notice it and just make peace with it. Okay. I hear you, but it’s okay.

I’m going to go with my decision. I’m going to prioritize my life according to my values and I’m going to do what’s on my dream agenda. Notice some of the negative things you say to yourself.

Would you say them to a friend or is that to me? You’ll probably notice they are too cruel to be said to anyone else, but yourself. So don’t let that devil voice control your life.

And it’s usually really scary to go for your dreams and live your dream life because I’ve just absolutely lost my train of thoughts. And that just proves we’re all human. Now I could be saying, Oh Lucy, you are horrible.

You don’t deserve to be a podcaster. You’re not well-spoken. You’re not charismatic like other speakers, right?

See, there’s so much things you can say to yourself, but on the other hand, you can say, Ooh, I’m glad that happened.

This is a great example to show people that we are human and we all have these moments, right? These moments that we get to practice being more positive. These moments that we can learn something from and inspire others to speak up, show up and know that what’s possible for them is to stop listening to that negative self-talk and really just rise to the occasion.

Oh, and don’t focus on your fears. Don’t focus on yourself.

Usually when we are focusing on ourselves, we’re thinking, Oh, what are other going to think of me?

Who am I to do this? But focus more on serving others. No matter what line of job you are in, no matter what line of work you’re doing, you are here for a purpose.

You are making someone else’s day. So focus on the importance of you on this planet. And that’s how you shush your inner critic is by living your purpose.

It’s by living what you are put on this earth to do. And I know some people might have not found that, but again, you find that through taking action, because in the process, it could be that you actually find out what you’re doing now is not serving your purpose. And that’s also progress.

So all we have to do is make progress, not perfection.

The last one course, not the least is people pleasing and giving explanations when saying no. This is a really bad habit because we are pleasing others.

We’re saying yes, when we really mean no. How about that event that you’re going to? How about that dinner you’re going to?

When it’s a no, it’s a no. You do not have to explain why you’re not going. Thank you for the invitation, but I will pass this time.

It is that simple. Hello, sunshine. You deserve all the sunshine.

You deserve all the best in this life. So live life by your own design. You have the right, the birthright to choose your priorities in life.

When things are not going well, just remember that it’s temporary. You might be working on something that you don’t actually like doing. Remember that even life is temporary.

So focus on your end goal. Focus on where you are going and say no to everything else. So which one of these bad habits do you find yourself struggling with?

Or which one do you resonate with? Leave a message and let me know.

If you want to learn how to build trust, credibility and have a good reputation, this episode is for you.

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​Today’s guest Lida Citroën is an executive coach, personal branding expert, reputation management pro, 5x published author, TEDx speaker, LinkedIn Learning instructor, and a trusted consultant to clients like Google and Disney. For more than 20+ years, she’s helped hundreds of global executives, entrepreneurs, and thought leaders like you impact the way they’re perceived by the people who matter to them. Discussed in this episode: 

• Difference between trust, credibility and reputation
• What gives a person more credibility
• What it takes to be a person of influence
• How can we gain confidence in ourselves as an authentic leader
• and much more

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Hello, hello, beautiful souls. If you want to learn how to build trust, credibility and have a good reputation, this episode is for you. And for that, of course, I need an expert expert with me.

And she is… Lita Citroen. She is an amazing executive coach, personal branding expert, reputation management pro, five-time published author, TEDx speaker, LinkedIn learning instructor, trusted consultant to clients like Google and Disney.

Oh my goodness, she is so, so amazing. I cannot wait for you guys to meet her because for more than 20 years, she’s helped hundreds of global executives, entrepreneurs and thought leaders like you impact the way they’re perceived by the people who matter to them. Welcome to the show, Lita.

Thank you so much. I’m excited about a great conversation. Awesome.

We’re talking about building trust, building credibility, reputation. Is there actually a difference between the three?

Very much so. I would say the only two that are kind of close would be trust and credibility. Because if I don’t trust you, I probably won’t see you as credible.

I mean, if I see you as credible, I probably trust you. Reputation sort of sits along with that. So reputation is what you earn.

Personal brand is what you do. That’s how I typically explain it. Everyone has a personal brand by design or by default.

And we’ve all been going through life, building our careers, doing wonderful work like yourself and building this reputation alongside. The thing is, most of us aren’t thinking about what we’re doing. So that’s where people like me come in to teach personal branding.

What gives a person more credibility, would you say?

The way I explain credibility is that it’s a very simple formula. If you tell people what you stand for, and then they see evidence that you live those values, you walk the talk, they will learn to trust you. They will give you credibility for what you say you believe in.

Where the problem often lies is people aren’t clear on their values. They aren’t clear on what they stand for, or they try to be everything to everyone. And then the action isn’t really matching up.

And they wonder why no one takes them seriously or why they’re not trusted or seen as valuable for what they know they can offer. Similarly, I work with a lot of people who have those values very clear in their mind, and they know from which they operate, but the action isn’t tied to it. So I might act with honesty.

I might speak directly to you and give you very forthright feedback. But I’m not telling you why I’m doing that. I’m not telling you that my value is honesty.

And therefore, you think I’m just a mean person, or I have it out for you, or what got into me today, right? Because that isn’t tied to the value. So the values plus the action, they have to be connected in order for people to give you credibility.

One example I often share is I do this work in the military. It’s a passion project for me. I’ve been serving the military space for about 15 years now.

It comes from my values of gratitude and generosity. That is absolutely what led me to serve in this way. And then I started doing the work.

But I had zero credibility because nobody knew who I was. And I had to anchor my action in those values. So if I’m standing in front of a conference audience, where I’m writing a book for the military, or I’m coaching someone, I have to make sure they know why I’m doing that behavior, why I’m doing that action, that it comes from a value of gratitude and generosity.

Then people start to trust that that is actually credible.

And, of course, we want a good reputation. Yes. It goes a long way, but can our reputation be changed?

It absolutely can. And so there’s this niche of work that I do, which is called Reputation Repair. And actually, one of the books that I’ve written, called Control the Narrative, is the only book that offers solutions for individuals who’ve been in a reputation crisis.

And I run into people who, it can be as almost, I wouldn’t say innocent, but as simple as you post something on social media that you’re not thinking about, and it turns into a firestorm, or you’re caught on an open mic, or it’s even more egregious, right? Plagiarism, doctors being inappropriate with patients, and all sorts of things can destroy our reputation. There’s absolutely a way out of that.

Most of the people I work with do the wrong thing first. They take down their social media, they go into hiding, they don’t answer their phone, and they let the narrative play out. Not a good response.

So even if it’s not something like headline making, but somebody listening says, well, I kind of didn’t show up well in a meeting, and I lost my cool, and now my boss is looking at me like, maybe I’m not management material. There are ways to repair that, that involve obviously apologizing, if that’s warranted, and understanding what needs to be fixed, and what’s okay to leave alone. So I would love to give some blanket advice, but oftentimes it’s individual to the situation, and how serious the impact is.

To us, it will always feel worse than it does to other people. So someone who engages in a debate with a troll on social media, and it turns into a really big problem, is it a big problem for your career, or is it a big problem because your feelings got hurt? There are a lot of remedies.

Yes, it absolutely can be. There have been a few circumstances that I’ve run into or heard of, where the person isn’t able to recover in the way that they want, and so they look at other options. Career changes, location changes, things like that.

And of course, we want the good reputation, we want credibility, because we want to be a person of influence, right? So what do you think it takes to be a person of influence?

I love that question, because it’s a topic I’m speaking a lot on right now, because that’s all changed. So I wrote the book, The New Rules of Influence, and in it, I sort of challenged this idea of what influence used to be. You mentioned in your intro, I spent 20 years in the corporate world, 20 years doing what I was prescribed to have success, right?

You look a certain way, you act a certain way, you wait your turn, and then when you’re called upon, you get to speak. And I would say that is particularly true for those of us who are women, those of us who don’t look like the poster child, if you will, or are part of a community that’s maybe underrepresented in most corporate environments. We’re not sure how to speak up and how to be heard and have our message carry weight, which is what influence does, if we don’t look and sound like the prescribed model of executive presence.

So what I’m trying to introduce is a new way of thinking about it, that anyone anywhere can have influence. And we’re seeing this in companies, we’re seeing this in politics, that the quiet voice in the back of the room who often isn’t heard from, suddenly says something and it’s like, where did that come from? That just changed everything.

That isn’t necessarily corresponding with authority and rank and positional power in the same way. And I think that is so exciting for where we’re going in the future, because that means that we’re gonna start hearing from people who have something to say, but maybe haven’t been heard from in the past. And I prescribe different rules that I call them.

They’re not hard. I mean, there are things like, be inclusive, have a service attitude, think about your career and your influence in terms of agility. Don’t be rigid with it.

We’ve got to flex and be fluid and have a growth mindset. They’re not revolutionary ideas, but put together under this umbrella of influence. They’re changing the narrative in some really cool ways.

Beautifully said. I can’t not agree more. And everything is changing.

And that’s the fun part of life, right? We are learning and it’s changed in so many ways as you spoke about. And I actually speak on this topic as well.

I love being the quiet one in the back of the room, but I have the confidence to speak up when I feel the need to, right? And I know you are a leader and then you help leaders speak up as well. So for someone listening, they are super powered human beings.

Sometimes they just really are seeking that external validation. They need that just a little bit more confidence in themselves to be the true authentic leader. What’s your advice?

What’s your tip on how to gain confidence in themselves to be a better leader?

To answer that question, I would pull on two of the rules that I offer in the book. The first is courage. So you’ve probably guessed I’m an extrovert type, a Gemini, right?

Not a shy person. It drives my kids crazy when we go to the store. I’ll talk to anyone.

That’s often thought to be what it takes to have influence, right? But that’s not necessarily true because people who are more quiet and reserved and more conservative and cautious tend to be more deliberate in what they say, right? I might say it before I actually think about what I’m saying, but someone who’s different will be more considerate.

So there can be a lot more weight and superpower put on that. But the first rule is to have courage. And if you’re not naturally someone who throws themselves into the middle of a conversation, take a chance, right?

Courage doesn’t mean the absence of fear. It means working through it. So raising your hand, being a little more vocal, being a little more visible.

You’re definitely going to want to think it through. You’re going to want to be prepared. Spur of the moment is probably not your favorite thing.

So be prepared. Go into the meeting with those ideas and then have the courage to just raise your hand and say, what about this? Or I don’t think that’s the best approach and see how it plays out.

Listen for the feedback. Listen without judgment for the feedback and then keep building on that. The other rule that I would pull upon that I often share for people who are trying to build that confidence is the rule that talks about service.

And service is very much a mindset. And I don’t say servant leadership because not everyone wants to be a leader. But if you have something to say and you can think about offering that idea or that challenge or that vision through the lens of service, then you’re really doing it for other people.

You’re not doing it because you want to be loud or you want to be large or you want to be seen. You’re doing it because not doing it isn’t right. It isn’t serving.

So if you’re looking to build that confidence and you’re trying to figure out how to get there, take a step, find some courage, reach down inside, grab a buddy, you know, listen to your podcast because there’s a lot of great advice around courage on it. And then think about offering that idea through the lens of service. What if the idea you have is the one that will change everything for the positive and you’re not sharing that puts everything at risk?

Wouldn’t that be unfortunate? I would love to see you take the courage, have the courage, share it. We’re all afraid of being judged.

It’s a human natural trait, right? We’re all afraid people are going to laugh at us or think our ideas foolish and we’re foolish. I had to reach in and have a lot of courage to write this book because I’m sharing a lot about myself in it.

And I’m a public speaker. I go on stage and I’m, you know, I try to be larger than life, but it was scary for me too. But I believe that people are going to be served.

So through that lens, I’m willing to find some courage and I think we all can get there.

Beautifully said. I don’t know. I kind of jump around between an extrovert and an introvert.

I do the test. One year I’m more introverted, another year I’m more extroverted. You know, it’s not about the label.

It’s about believing that you’ve already got the courage within. It’s about believing that you, that wealth of knowledge, that well of courage is already inside of you and it’s nowhere else to be found. You’ve already got it.

And it’s part of your purpose. I mean, if you believe, I do, that we’re all here for a very specific purpose, then not acting on that, not fulfilling it is so heartbreaking. And there’s such a beauty in saying, I think I’m supposed to change the narrative in this way.

Maybe it’s starting a movement. Maybe it’s advocating for a community that you don’t come from. But if you believe in your heart that that’s partly why you’re here, then yeah, find some courage, grab a buddy, you know, and take a step forward in that direction.

It will be scary. When I first started working with the military, I didn’t know anything except what I had seen on television and in movies. And it was very scary.

I made mistakes left and right, but I asked a lot of questions and I listened and I learned. And then I asked more questions and I kept doing that until I felt that I could represent and speak to a community that I have so much respect for, but that I don’t come from. And it’s been a beautiful add on to my business.

It keeps me grounded and it reminds me of how I’m supposed to serve.

I love that. So much respect for those who have served, especially in this year, this time around the year, this will be the last episode of 2024. So if you want more credibility and trust and have a good reputation in the next coming year, what is one more tip we have from you, Lita?

The one more tip would be, it’s never about perfection.

We can’t be perfect. We’re human beings. We will make mistakes, but think about reputation in terms of consistency.

Be the same person on LinkedIn that you are on a podcast, that you are on Instagram, that people talk about. It’s all about consistency. Show people different sides of you, but be the same person.

That’s a great way to start building some trust in the new year.

Beautifully said. And is there a favorite quote that you go by in life, Lita?

Well, a quote that I’ve shared in two of my books is by Mark Twain. There’s two important days of your life. The day you’re born and the day you realize why.

I love that. Absolutely. I get chills every time I say it.

I shared it in my TED Talk. I absolutely love that quote because when we can figure out why we’re here, wow, watch the doors open.

It’s cool. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s beautiful.

Where can we find you at?

Well, I’m active on social media, pretty much everywhere. And my website is lita360.com, L-I-D-A 360.com. Very active on LinkedIn, YouTube.

I mean, yeah, that’s the extrovert in me. So I would love to connect with people listening and talk to them more about what I’m doing and how I can help.

Thank you for being with us.

Thank you so much. You do a great interview.

Thank you.

If you need some inspiration on what to let go before the end of the year so that you can reach higher potential next year, this episode is for you.

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Happy December! Happy Holidays!

As we are getting ready to move towards the end of year and work towards our goals in the next year, it is a great time to sit down spend some time with yourself, reflect and journal down what are 3 things you are ready to shed/ let go of/ leave behind that will have the most impact on the life you are creating?

Through 2 decades of personal development I’ve already let go of so much baggage, so for the new year I’m just reminding myself again to let go of:

1) Let go of the need for certainty

 uncertainty is the only true certainty in life and to embrace fun in the moment and even all the bumps on the way.

2) Let go of expectations from others

when we don’t expect as much, we are not disappointed, everything is happening for a reason and for the best. Now this is different from dreaming big goals and actually having a plan to accomplish because that is in our control, but we need to let go of expectations from others because that is out of our control. 

3) Let go of old friends who are not putting me as a priority.

It’s sad when we value a friendship but the other side is just not reciprocating. I’m learning to make new friends in the same season of life and just wishing old friends well no matter what.

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of actually writing these down or typing these out. Many people are blown away at their own answers, we don’t realize how much we have to let go until we actually put it on pen to paper. 

And if you need even more inspirations, I’ve also heard from others the followings to let go: 

Let go of wanting things to be perfect before hitting the GO button!

We tend to hold back until it’s “just right” which is oftentimes “never”! Always remember that ready is not a time frame, it is a decision. 

Let go of not being able to say no.

Be clear with boundaries and say “NO” early and often, not at the last minute or not when already deep in something that you really didn’t want to do in the first place.

Let go of procrastination.

Create a disciplined routine to prioritize what’s important to you. There will always be time for what’s really important to you and even messy action and super baby steps will move you forward.

Let go of slacking off on taking care of our health.

Sometimes It’s like we worked SO hard for years to get to where we are and now that we are here we start slacking off on taking care of our body. It’s ok to fall off track sometimes, we are human, I get lazy and slack off too, but what’s important is to practice picking ourselves up and resetting anytime. Not waiting for next year, not waiting for a specific time when your new gear arrive, start now, start today. 

Let go of caring about what others think.

So many people have predefined ideas of who we are. Who cares! After all it is your life and your only life to live. Live it by your own design. 

Let go of imposter syndrome, letting go of any fears of being seen

Let go of fears of failure to go ALL IN on your passions, believe that you can and you will realize your dreams doing what you truly love.

Let go of making comparisons to other professionals in the field.

Often we are not necessarily putting ourselves down, but we tend to slightly “worry” about what they’re doing and if we are doing enough. Again, enough is not an amount, it is a decision. 

Let go of wanting the ability for someone else to control our feelings.

Whether that someone is a family member, friend or an ex, focus on what you can control, focus on your own emotional stability and your thoughts. Stop letting them trigger your negative thoughts that will lead to negative feelings and in turn hinder you from taking more positive actions. Let go of wanting to control them and focus on your own road ahead. 

I know some of these can be years in the building, however acknowledging them is the first step in conquering them. 

Which one do you resonate with the most?

Let me know. 

Wanna learn how to live fearlessly in business and life?

No matter what industry or line of work you do, we are all the same, we are all human, and every human being on the planet gets stopped by fear.

So if you’ve ever faced fear and look to uplevel your life, this episode is for you. 

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Guest Rhonda Britten is an Emmy Award-winner, Repeat Oprah guest, and Master Coach.

She has changed lives in over 600 episodes of reality TV, authored four bestsellers, including her “Fearless Living” which has been translated into 16 languages.

She is also a standing Ovation Keynote Speaker, Fear expert, podcast host and has been read, heard, and watched by millions.

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Hello, hello, beautiful souls, no matter what industry or line of work you do, we are all the same. We are all human and every human being on this planet gets stopped by fear. So if you ever faced fear and look to uplevel your life, this episode is for you.

And I’m super excited to introduce to you my incredible guest today, Rhonda Britton. Rhonda is an Emmy Award winning repeat Oprah guest and master coach. She has changed the lives in over 600 episodes of reality TV authored for bestsellers, including her fearless living, which has been translated into 16 languages.

Isn’t that amazing? She is also a standing ovation keynote speaker, fear expert podcast host and has been read, heard and watched by millions. And we would be here all day if we listed out all of her accomplishments.

So let’s dig in. Welcome to the show, Rhonda.

I’m so excited to be here, Lucy, you’re just so delightful.

I can’t wait to get into this conversation.

Rhonda, you founded the fearless living Institute. So let’s start there.

What does fearless living mean to you?

Well, it definitely doesn’t mean you don’t have fear, right? Because fearless living really is about the willingness to master fear, we’re never going to get rid of fear. It’s part of our neurobiology.

And I think that’s where the misnomer is, right? The way people say, be fearless. And they go, well, I can’t be fearless because I have fear.

I go, yes, of course you do. Right? So it’s part of our neurobiology.

You’re not going to get rid of fear, but what you can do is understand how it works so that it doesn’t decide your life for you. You decide your life. And that takes a little extra attention, a little extra effort.

And that’s why I created something called the wheel of fear and the wheel of freedom to help you understand how fear works. I think the number one thing people tell me after they get their wheel of fear, their personalized unique wheel of fear and wheel of freedom is now I know why my life is the way it is. It explains everything, why you got married, why you got divorced, why you went to college, why you quit that job, everything.

It’s a mental model that you can use and apply to any part of your life.

Fear could be actually our friend. Would you agree?

Oh gosh, fear. I’m going to tell you something that I’ll never forget. I was on Steve Harvey’s show and I said this to him and he literally practically fell out of his chair.

And it is fear loves you. So fear loves you. Every emotion that you have, every feeling slash emotion, and we’re going to use those interchangeably right now, is a part and parcel of what you need in order to move your life forward.

So they’re just energy. Feelings are just energy. And they’re all here for a reason.

They’re all here for a reason. And fear is here for one reason and one reason only to keep you safe. The challenge is, is because we don’t understand how it works.

And we’ve all probably by now understand neuroscience and the brain and we’ve done a little bit of research in that. But that doesn’t necessarily tell you how it applies to your life. We don’t see it in 3D, so to speak, in our lives.

When you understand how fear works, everything changes.

Is that what happened to you? Did you see fear as a friend and that’s how you change your own life?

[Speaker 1]

Oh, no. First of all, and I think many people are like me, I never even thought I was afraid. So the joke of the century, the irony is that I actually work with fear because I grew up in upper Michigan, little tiny town.

I’m from Finnish heritage, which means we don’t feel. And so I never, even during my worst days, which I’ve had horrible, decades, really tragic and horrific decades and self-destructive decades. During all of that, I would have never said I’m afraid.

Never. I just thought I was crazy or I was stupid or I was procrastinating. And that’s the trick of fear.

Most people like me don’t know they’re afraid. Like I said, I didn’t know I was afraid, but what I’ve done in my book Fearless Living is I give you, and I’ll just do this real quick, just give you a couple little instances. Is that fear shows up in different ways for different people.

It sometimes shows up as anxiety, sometimes procrastination, sometimes pretend manipulation, defending yourself, blaming, deflecting, controlling, getting bitter, resentful, selfish, powerless, isolating yourself, settling, whining, hiding. All of these things are not because you’re wrong or you’re stupid or you’re crazy. It’s because there’s a fear underneath there.

The fear produces those fear responses. So you don’t procrastinate, you don’t deny, you don’t hide, you don’t become powerless, you don’t become a perfectionist unless there’s fear underneath. So most people go to try to solve the problem of, well, I’m perfectionist, I need to solve my perfectionism.

And I say, go for it, knock yourself out, go to perfectionism school, knock yourself out. Yet unless you really kind of dig in and understand how fear works holistically, something else will pop up. I’m sure we’ve all experienced, we thought we solved something and then all of a sudden it pops up again.

You’re like, well, I thought I saw this. Well, that’s because fears come play with you a different way.

Thank you for sharing. And to me, one of the top fears of life that I’ve seen is the very basic fear that I’m not good enough. Kind of related to what you talked about earlier, you’re procrastinating, you’re not doing it.

There’s the underlying fear that you’re telling yourself that you’re not good enough. And it changed my life when I instilled the mantra that enough is a decision. So is there anyone alive that somewhere deep down inside doesn’t have that basic fear of I’m not good enough?

Well, what I like to say about fear of not being good enough is that’s the generic version of a wheel of fear. So the wheel of fear has four parts. And if somebody doesn’t know their wheel of fear, that’s normally when they go, I fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of all those fears.

But then I go, well, what’s underneath that? They go, and they’ll stop and they’ll be like, you like fear, fear of not being good enough. And fear, like I said, fear of not being good enough is generic.

And there is nobody alive that doesn’t actually have a wheel of fear, doesn’t have fear. Because again, it’s part of our neurobiology. It’s part of how we’re wired, right?

We don’t just become afraid because we were raised a certain way. Don’t get me wrong. How you were raised does impact what kind of fear you have.

But so does your DNA. It’s been proven now that fears are handed down through our DNA. So when people say, I got to figure out why I’m like this, why am I like this?

Why am I like this? They’re trying to find that one moment, that one secret thing that happened to them that they can say, that’s why I’m like this. Well, you might behave a certain way because of the DNA that’s been handed down to generations.

So you may never find that one thing. So I invite you, I invite folks to not search for the one thing that’s caused them to be like this, but instead find the one thing that will set them free.

I love that. This is kind of like how we say sometimes we’re looking to learn, but sometimes it’s really about unlearning, right? And going a level deeper.

It’s about unwinding, right? It’s about unwinding, unlearning. It’s about actually having the humility to do so, because I think it takes great humility to be willing to say, what if I’m wrong about this?

What if I really don’t know this? What if I’m only using fear as a way to keep myself from avoiding taking action? What if I’m using fear?

What if I’m using procrastination to beat myself up so I don’t have the energy or the fortitude or the willingness or the grace or the heart to keep going for my dream? So we use fear. Fear creates that procrastination, beating yourself up, et cetera.

But then we use the same thing that fear gifts us with is a thing we use to let fear win. So I always say there’s never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever a reason to beat yourself up or another human being. You just don’t get to do that.

No. It’s the number one tool fear uses. I would say it’s the gas and the oil in the wheel of fear, because when we beat ourselves up, we’re actually participating in the demise and breaking apart of our connection to living the life our soul intended.

And that’s how we’re contributing. That’s how we’re participating. So we can change that any moment.

Just like you said, enough is beating yourself up. Just even realizing it’s a choice, I knew blew my mind. For most of my life, I didn’t think it was a choice.

I just thought that’s the way it was and that’s who I was. And I thought I was on my bad decisions. I thought I couldn’t get beyond my bad decisions.

I really thought that my past, I had to carry with me for the rest of my life. And when I started understanding how our neurobiology works and how fear works, I was able to put down those things. I was able to put down my past and actually create a new future for myself.

Powerful, powerful words, Rhonda. But do you think there are fears that are healthy for us by chance?

Well, there’s two things. One is we’re talking about a difference between emotional fears and instinct fears, physical fears. So instinct, our desire to survive physically, I don’t particularly like heights.

I’m not going like, I was in Norway recently and they have this rock that sticks out 20, 30 feet and go walk out on the rock and take an amazing picture. I’m like, no, thank you. I know that would be really cool and I’d be really happy if I did it, but no.

So we have physical fears and those are instincts. Those are physical survival. Yeah, those are awesome as long as they don’t prohibit you from living and taking action in the way you’d like, because there are ways to obviously minimize those.

And most of us though, like my fear of heights, I don’t have to be around heights. I don’t get activated all the time with my fear of heights. I don’t live on the 85th floor.

Yet what my work is, is the emotional fears that impact us every single day. The fear of being rejected, the fear of failure, the fear of loss, the fear of being judged. So these fears are a constant in our life.

So yes, we want our instincts. We want our ability to survive. The challenge is, is that our body and brain don’t know the difference between physical fears and emotional fears.

So the response is the same. So when I’m on the top of a 85th building or in Norway, you know, like go on the 20 feet, right? And I’m like, right, that’s a physical fear for my literal life.

And yet I can put myself in fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of looking stupid, fear of looking foolish, fear of worthlessness, et cetera. And that same happens. So the way our neurobiology works is it doesn’t know the difference.

We’ve got to train ourselves to know the difference. We’ve got to discern, we’ve got to slice it out so that we can actually see the difference in our response to emotional, what’s going on emotionally with us versus what’s going on physically with us.

Thank you so much. I really love that differentiation. So know the difference when there’s a physical fear, right?

I’m same, I’m the same way. Every time I’m, I’m on a hike, I see snake, I scream and I run. I’m trying to save my own life, right?

Exactly. But if, if that hindered me from ever going on a hike, then that would be more of an emotional fear, right?

Well, it would, it might be a physical fear, but you’ve created such a barrier. Right. So it’s like, okay, I’m afraid of snakes.

Yeah. I don’t want to be around snakes either, but you want to hike. Then you’ve got to do the emotional work to heal and solve and move through the physical fear.

And that’s going to take, that’s going to take your body sensations. That’s going to take your thoughts, you know, your mindset, that’s going to take your heart and that’s going to take your spiritual foundation of what you believe ultimately in order to move you past that. But can it be done?

Absolutely.

Oh, absolutely. I love, I mean, I’ve seen so many snakes on my hike, but I’m still going.

Yay, Lucy.

Awesome. Okay. So for those who have done the work, they’ve done the personal development work, they’re working through their fear.

I’m like, they’re working through their shame, procrastination, all those things that you talked about earlier. Right. And they feel like they’re finally living that fearless life.

But then, but then their boss, their partner, someone else, their friend is living with fear and constantly nagging and telling them, you know, what’s scary. Well, obviously they’re with good intention. They want to protect you, but it happens.

And that is something we don’t want. So how do you go about dealing with that situation?

Well, that’s, that’s the whole reason, you know, I teach fearless conversations or I have a chapter in fearless living called fear junkies and fear busters, right? Because most fear junkies, like you said, they’re doing it with the best of intentions. It’s not like they’re trying to hurt or harm you.

There are some fear junkies that are by the way, but most don’t. So you get to learn something called boundaries. You get to learn something called communication skills.

So most of us, instead of learning the skills that are necessary in order to stand for ourselves and create a sovereignty within ourselves, we get mad at the people who aren’t doing what we think they should do. Right? So why are you afraid of that?

Stop being afraid. It’s like, well, but they’re afraid. So yelling at them is not really helpful.

So as we grow as individuals, as we build our compassion, as we build our empathy, as we build our ability to be honest and build our own personal responsibility and create a sense of sovereignty, we then learn the difference between where I put my hand on my shoulder for a reason. I know I had a therapist once that really brought this home, and this is how she did it with me. She goes, Rhonda, you end here.

And when she put her hand on her shoulder and rubbed it, I was like, what? She goes, you end here. This is where you end.

And that other person is here. And of course, I logically knew that. I mean, I understood what she was saying, but just having that visual reminder that I end here and they start there and they’re fully responsible for their life and I’m fully responsible for my life and how we build relationship and learning the skills in order to connect and communicate.

Because I always say it’s either perfection or connection, right? So if you want to connect, you can’t worry about perfection. You got to choose connection.

So are you willing to learn the communication skills necessary? And are you willing to build the level of compassion and humility that you need in order to see they’re right? The person who’s cutting you off is not even, that’s not even, no, it’s you.

It’s irrelevant. Your spouse who’s in a bad mood, isn’t thinking most likely about ruining your day. They’re just in their own world and you’re being impacted by it.

Well, you can decide what to do. You have a choice then. But most of us have gotten into a routine with our spouses, our mates, our coworkers, et cetera, that keeps us stuck in the wheel.

I’ll give you a quick personal, a quick example. I had a client who had a boss just like that, a boss who basically put everybody down. Okay.

And she came to me and said, I have this boss of mine. And I’m like, okay, let’s do it. And she goes, I just got to quit.

I go, well, you can quit or because you’re going to have to deal with this. Like this person’s in here in your life, as we know, is your greatest teacher. And they’re giving you a advanced teaching on boundaries and speaking up.

And you can either learn it from this person, or you’re going to go to another job or another relationship is going to happen all over again. So your choice, you want to do it here with me or you want to move on? She’s like, okay, I’ll do it.

Right? So she started saying things like, please don’t talk to me that way. That’s not okay with me.

Right? She started standing for what is okay with her or not. Well, what happened?

Because she never got angry. She never, you quit talking to me like that. She just was, Hey, not okay with me.

That’s not okay with me. And she would leave the, leave the area. She was wanting to leave now, I’m going to go to the other room, because this is not okay.

And again, she did that for a little bit of time. And eventually, it doesn’t when people are abusive, it takes the fun out of it when you don’t react. And so what ended up happening is he ended up never, he didn’t talk to her at all like that anymore.

And she ended up working for him for a while. And when she left, he said, you always have a job here. Right?

Because she was not willing to believe that he had more rights than she did. Right? She had equal right.

And she has a right to sovereignty. She has a right to, you know, her own space. So most of us, and I was raised this way, too, is being I’m from Minnesota, Minnesota, nice, you know, I was raised be nice.

So me starting to speak up when I first started, I literally would shake, I would literally go numb, I would literally freeze. And some of my most proud moments in my life, if I look back on it, are when I spoke up, even when I was like, and I teach my clients did my coaches to do this, I you know, I want to say something to somebody that was really hard. And I was shaking.

I said, I’m about to I’m going to say something right now. And I’m going to say it really bad and probably really poorly. But just listen to me.

I’m just really trying to just please listen to my attention. And I was crying the whole time. And I’m just literally like this, like, but I what I call that as a prep sentence.

So I prepped him for what was about to happen. And what we do is we don’t normally prep our partners prep our body like this is, you know, I’m, I’m, I’m a little upset right now. So my voice may raise or I’m a little right, we’re going to prep them.

And then what that does is when we prep them, is we look like we’re in control of our being, they’re not afraid that we’re going to attack or what’s going to happen, you are a quantity, you know, yourself, again, you have sovereignty. So these are some of the skills, communication skills I teach inside fearless living, because without them, you really have a very difficult time to be fearless in the world, because the world is filled with people.

I love it so much. And I love it so much that you said it is a skill. Living is a skill.

It’s not something someone else is born with, right? We hear this as someone else has it all someone else has the confidence and I don’t know it’s not it’s so not true. Confidence is a learned skill, everything you want right to promote yourself to to whatever you think is not possible.

It’s a skill and someone else has crossed that line and learned it and mastered it.

So that’s right. Well, and people that are confident, lose their confidence. Confidence is a skill that you must keep up, right?

So I had, I’ve had so many, I was at a book signing, and one of my book signings and a guy 63 came there and he goes, Oh, I saw that you were doing books today. And I was just gonna comment. I mean, literally, he came here, he says I just came to tell you, I’m fearless.

And I’m like, Okay, I said, Great. Awesome. Yeah.

Yeah. For you. Can I give you a little test?

He’s like, Yes, go ahead. Give me a text. And I said, Okay, so can you say I love you first?

Can you forgive? Have you been able to say you’re wrong? Have you healed all your past damages, your past hurts your past pains with another human being that you inflicted?

I mean, he and I’m saying all these things, right? And he’s just like, because most people, like you’re saying, think of fearless as I can jump out of a plane, and I can tell you what to do. And, okay, that’s one type of fearless.

But the real fearless that what I consider the true fearless, is being able to know what you think, to be in charge of how you respond to the world, and be able to live the life your soul intended. And that takes a whole bunch of skills. Not just good luck.

So good. And, you know, as the saying goes, new level, new devil, right?

right, right.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you’re right. Because I like to think think of a spiral.

And again, that’s a it’s not quite a spiral, but think of a spiral. And we’ll just use myself as an example, I had to forgive my father, as most of us do at some time, I have to give to my father. And I thought I forgave my father, you know, 20 years ago, 30 years ago, right?

And as I up another level, all of a sudden, my dad’s there again. And I’m like, Oh, my God, I thought, I thought I forgave you, right? Well, yes, I forgave him to the capacity that I had owned myself that I was aware of, that I had access to.

But the more that I become aware, the more that I grow, the more that I occupy myself from my bones to my skin, the more I am me, then I see other aspects, oh, my and other memories pop up. And it’s like, oh, here you are, again, ah, more work to do. It is not what most of my clients will be like, well, it didn’t work last time.

I go, No, no, it worked. You wouldn’t be here having this moment if you didn’t work last time. So this is a sign that you’re actually growing and shifting and changing.

So yeah, we all have pathways that we will revisit throughout our lives. That is part of our growth pattern. And lucky us, and yours might be money or love or, you know, relationships, right?

So it’s going to be a reoccurring theme in your life. And that’s not to, you know, disappoint you or frustrate you. It’s that that is your greatest growth and your greatest gift and part of your destiny.

So much wisdom there. Thank you so much for sharing Rhonda, what is a favorite quote that you go by in life?

There is nothing wrong with you. It’s just fear. There’s nothing wrong with you.

It’s just fear.

I’m gonna let that sink in for a while, everyone. And if you’ve been as inspired as I am from listening to Rhonda, do follow her connect with her and check her out at

fearless living.org fearlessliving.org.

And if you want to go get a free little gift from me, go to fearlessliving.org forward slash risk RISK. If you procrastinate, if you want to take more risk, go grab grab that course because that is a cure procrastination course. So again, fearlessliving.org forward slash risk RISK.

Beautiful. Thank you.

You’re welcome.

Thank you. Be fearless.