In this quick 5 min solo talk, Lucy inspires about something that truly changed her life and has the power to shift your perspective on life and transform your life as well, and that is: Everything is temporary.

Tune in for a quick dose of inspiration.

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Today, I want to talk about something that truly changed my life and has the power to shift your perspective on life and transform your life, and that is: Everything is temporary.

I know that might sound like anxiety at first. But stay with me, because I believe this truth can be one of THE most important THE most empowering realizations we can have.

Welcome back to The Lucy Liu Show, the space where we cultivate confidence, joy, and purpose. I’m your host LL, and let’s talk about this. 

Everything we experience — our emotions, our struggles, our successes, and even our very existence, our life — is temporary. And while that might seem intimidating at first, it’s actually an invitation to live more fully and freely.

Think about the tough moments in your life. When was the last time you experienced a heartbreak, loss, failure of some sort, or self-doubt. Remember how at that time, they felt extremely overwhelming, like they would last forever. But the truth is they didn’t. You moved through them. You healed. You grew. 

And just as the hard times are temporary, so are the beautiful moments. The laughter, the deep connections, the victories—this doesn’t mean we should fear their impermanence. It just means we should cherish them more. Be more present. Soak each moment in.

When we embrace the temporary nature of everything, we free ourselves from fear. We stop clinging so tightly to things we can not control. We take more chances, we speak up, we love more deeply, and we show up for ourselves in ways we never have before.

I want to challenge you today—take one step forward, however small, take one small step forward toward something that matters to you. Doesn’t matter what it is.

Oh but be careful for one thing though while you are moving forward, what you say to yourself is permanent! The negative things you say to put yourself down might have a permanent effect on your self esteem. The negative self talk going on inside of your head may affect you not just temporarily. So because now that you’ve learned that everything in life is temporary, be very aware of what you say to yourself after circumstances happen. 

So, let me ask you this: 

What would you do differently today if you truly accepted that nothing lasts forever?

Would you stop holding yourself back from taking that next step in your journey? 

Would you forgive yourself a little faster? 

Would you finally start that project, business, or conversation you’ve been putting off?

Don’t wait for the perfect time. The perfect time is now.

And if this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Send me a message, share this episode with a friend, or take a screenshot and tag me on social media @mslucyliu . 

Let’s remind each other that every season—good or bad—is just that: a season.

Thank you for spending this time with me today. If you haven’t already, make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the next episode. 

Until next time, keep embracing confidence, cultivate joy, and live fully—because this moment? 

It’s temporary, and it’s beautiful.

Hello my friend, Networking is the key to unlocking opportunities, building meaningful relationships, and accelerating your personal and professional growth. This episode is for you if you find networking intimidating and wish to learn how to better network like a pro with more confidence and more purpose for growth.

And for this exact reason, I have my special guest with me today Emily Merrell. Emily is a networking strategist, business coach, community builder and podcast host to two podcasts actually, the Ready Set Coach Podcast and The Second Degree Podcast. 

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Hello, my friend, networking is the key to unlocking opportunities, building meaningful relationships and accelerating your personal and professional growth. So this episode is for you if you find networking intimidating sometimes and wish to learn how to better network like a pro with more confidence and more purpose for growth. And for this exact reason, I have my special guest with me today, Emily Merrell.

Emily is a networking strategist, business coach, community builder and podcast host of two podcasts, actually, the ready set coach podcast and the second degree podcast. Welcome to the show, Emily. 

Thank you so much for having me.

It’s so fun to be in the interview ease seat, especially with people we’ve hugged in real life, right? And it was a lot warmer the last time I saw you in Palm Springs, 12 degrees here today in Denver.

It is really cold in LA to contrary to the sunny California, we have rain today. But let’s talk about networking. So many people find networking intimidating or scary, whether you’re introverted or extroverted, right?

So you are the go to person for networking. So how can someone shift their mindset to make it feel more natural?

Well, I just want to I want to reaffirm that if you are super extroverted, and super introverted, networking is to your point, it can be intimidating, and it can be awkward, and it can be overwhelming. And even as a professional networker, I feel those feelings as well. So as someone who has met 1000s and 1000s of people, those nerves still creep up on you of walking into a room full of strangers.

So one of my favorite things about thinking about networking is gamifying networking, like can you have a game plan when you walk into networking? And I think backing up even a little before that is so many people go to a networking event, and they say, Hey, Lucy, will you come to this networking event with me. And that’s a huge mistake.

Because Lucy, if you and I went to a networking event together, you and I would be in the corner gabbing it up, basically using our body language to close off inviting people to talk to us, because we’re so excited to catch up. So the first thing to think about is a networking event isn’t a chance to go hang out with a friend event. This is a chance to meet new people event.

So I highly recommend going alone, even though that can sound like your worst nightmare walking into a room full of strangers by yourself. Number two is make yourself approachable. So Lucy right now is wearing this beautiful red turtleneck.

And if I was at a networking event with her, I would be gravitated to the color that she is wearing kind of like a moth to a flame, I would probably approach her. And if I wanted to strike up a conversation with her, I would actually go for your jugular here, Lucy, where I would ask you, I would be like, I love that turtleneck. Like, where did you get something so vibrant.

So being able to wear something that is also attracting people to you is a great, great, great tip when walking into a room full of strangers. So in those circumstances, I typically recommend like fun earrings, if you’re an earring wearer, maybe some like creative glasses, I usually like to rock a bold red lip, it’s always an attention grabber and a conversation starter. So again, people can humanize you and you can start on a connection or a networking without it being so what do you do.

And then the last tip I will say is again, gamification, can you give yourself the expectation that you’re like, I’m going to meet two people and I’m going to get their contact info and that is going to be a success for me. So you have like a low bar of entry. And then if you walk out that night, and you’ve got like nine new friends or connections, then you really, really overdid yourself in one.

So again, wearing something colorful, so people come to you paying attention to going alone, looking at other people and what they’re wearing, so they’re easy to approach. And then giving yourself a goal of a connection of one or two people.

I’m like nodding my head left and right the whole time as you spoke, because I actually did a prior episode on why you should go to events alone, because I love going to events alone, like you talked about that forces you to make new connections and not just play catch up with your friend.

I have a networking event tonight, none of my friends are going. I am meeting my friends for dinner after my networking event. We have two different experiences happening in one day.

Beautiful. I’m a big believer that confidence is not about decibels. I am introverted, I can be the introvert in the room and still be confident.

How about you, Emily? How do you think introverts or more quieter people can thrive in a networking event without feeling like they have to be loud?

Oh, I love that question. I’ll just share it. My sister is exact opposite of me.

She is an introvert, but she loves being with people. And so the way that she’s able to show her love and bring people together, she loves hosting events. So I think for an introvert, a great tool or technique for you is to be in charge of planning the event or bringing the people together.

And even myself, who’s wildly, wildly extroverted. I love being the host of an event because then I could say, Hey, Lucy, why don’t you meet Sally? You guys are both from LA.

You’re both incredible coaches. I’m going to let you guys hit it off and then you can walk away. So you can be a facilitator of generosity of connection, but not be caught up in the small talk of having to hear someone’s life story.

Like a silent sniper type of thing where you’re again, bringing the people together. I also find as an introvert, but I have my introversion to me being in control of a situation gives an introvert less anxiety. So then they know when the event starts and when the event ends and what’s going to happen next versus walking in into an unknown.

And while that’s not the case, obviously for every introvert, I think also understanding like the play of the night or the agenda of the night is really helpful in your own managing your own anxiety and your energy, especially as an introvert, you have to be cognizant of not burning out too fast. So one of the mantras that I always have is when in motion, stay in motion. So for example, if you’re an introvert and it takes you a lot to get those batteries recharged to commit to coming to an event, make that a day where you are showering first thing in the morning, you are putting makeup on, you’re maybe working from a coffee shop.

So you’ve already left your house. And so you don’t have an excuse to bail on the event that night. So then that way too, you’ve already kind of like taken the steps that lead you to the event or networking experience you’re going to be participating in.

Perfectly said.

What are some of the common mistakes you’ve seen people make at networking events?

How much time do we have? Okay, my favorite mistake, my favorite mistake is calling people by the wrong name the whole night. I have seen that many times and it cracks me up more than makes me cringe.

But the biggest mistake I see is if walking into a room, they have like their glass of wine, they saunter up to a conversation, they look at you and they’re like, so what do you do, Emily? And I’m choking on a little Frank or something like that. I’m like, oh, cool.

That’s just not how I, my brain wasn’t there yet. I’m still warming up. So I think going right out of the gate with what do you do is just not always the best approach, especially for those introverts or people who aren’t accustomed to talking to themselves.

So I’ll add, if you want to know what someone does, there’s ways to, to get that out of them without strategic, without straightforwardly asking, what do you do? It could be like, are you in the film industry? If it’s a film networking event, you know, you can kind of read the cues.

Another thing too, is straight up pitching yourself and going up and being like, Hey, Lucy, you’re a coach. That means you probably want to invest in a new platform for da da da da da. Here’s my card.

I think we should hop on a and you’re just like taken aback by being sold to immediately. So tone down the selling. Remember that there’s an essence of give and take the last thing too.

I think networking is a lot like dating and we’ve all been on bad dates before where the date only talks about themselves. So remember to ask questions of others and ask questions that also allow you to drop in little nuggets about yourself. So you can ask a question that also has a relatable opportunity for you to pop in.

So those are my big three that really unsettled me.

They’re all so good. I do want to add one more is making it all about yourself. And I think this is the reason why people get intimidated of going to, because they’re, they’re so conscious about themselves.

They’re so conscious about what other people will think of themselves. So I always really preach that go in with the intention of adding value to someone else’s life in any way possible. And that way you’re focusing on the bigger picture, right?

You’re not just focusing on yourself, because when you focus on yourself, you tend to shrink 1000% and you’ll be more memorable.

You remember those conversations of the people who make you feel shiny versus the person who is just monologuing about their, their journey into X, Y, and Z. I do want to add with that too, on that being, oh my gosh, my brain is like going in and out of thoughts sometimes. But that feeling of when you walk into a network, networking event, body language, really big mistake is people aren’t paying attention to their body language.

So for example, like if you have your arms crossed and your shoulders are hunched by your ears, you’re telling me subconsciously, like go away. And if you’re on your phone, like, I think a lot of people make this mistake of self-importance. So they’re on their phone and they’re like, and you know, they’re kind of half listening again.

I don’t want to talk to you. So be cognizant of like how your shoulders are, how your body and your arms are, um, where your eye contact is because otherwise you might be subconsciously repulsive.

Beautifully said. You want to make a good lasting impression, especially the first impression when you meet someone new, right? I love the phone tip too.

I usually have my phone in my purse the whole time during an event. I don’t play with my phone because you’re there for the in-person connection. So make sure you’re actually being present, right?

And the only time I recommend people bring out their phone is if they don’t have business cards and they need to connect with someone and they can use, you can open the email app and pop in the person’s email and send them a quick, quick note. But yeah, to your point, put it away. Or the other thing too, I’ll say, um, like on my cover of my phone, I have a picture of my family.

You could use your phone as a tool of connectivity. So if you are like sitting at a high boy table and you’ve got your phone out and you’ve got that picture and you’re struggling to make conversation with someone else, you’d be like, Lucy, is that your dog? He’s so cute.

And it’s a good jumping off point.

What a good tip. Okay. So we’re at this networking event, but not everyone might be good for our professional growth.

Would you say you recommend networking with everyone or only identify the right people to network with? 

It’s so funny.

I hate when people are like the right people, what defines right? Um, because that person might, I have met people who become attended my wedding, have become strong friends, have, have influenced my life in significant ways that had nothing to do with my career. So you, that hypothesis of right and wrong definitely is, it can hinder people when, when making connections.

So the way that I always like to approach it is, um, I do friend first and kind of see if we’re going to be friends and you can, you can vibe off the person. You can see if they’re on the same page as you. So oftentimes, like sometimes I’ll connect with someone and we have nothing in common in our jobs.

Maybe they’re a lawyer and I don’t know, they do patents and I’m just not in that world at all. Nor do I know anyone, but a that’s in my, the back of my brain for the future, because Lucy comes to me and she patented a new lotion that’s going to change the world. So a, I have that connection that I can give Lucy and be this girl is also obsessed with soul cycle and I’m obsessed with soul cycle.

So now I have a soul cycle buddy. And again, that ROI on a connection isn’t measured in me making money off of her, but it’s me making a deepening friendship that can lead to other life opportunities. So in the sense of energy, you don’t want to go and pray and spray on every single person there.

Uh, so again, going with that goal of connecting, doing a good connection with two or three people is really, really important. And in my brain, I start a little clock. I have like a 15 minute little timer that goes off in my brain.

And I’m like, Lucy, we are vibing. We are going to be hanging out when I’m in LA next. So at the end of that 15 minute clock in your brain part ways, because you are going to have so much more Lucy in the future.

And you know that for a fact, but then the next person you meet, maybe you never need to, or want to see again, but they are still human and you are still human. And you give them that 15 minutes of your time and have a mediocre conversation, and then you can part ways and go to the next person. Do you follow up with people then afterwards?

So I like to follow up in the moment. Um, so that’s where, you know, years ago I went to an event that took like a hundred of my business cards and I just started my business and was like, this is so annoying. They’re so expensive just to be thrown away.

And so from that point on, I started differentiating myself by creating, I created pop sockets that I’d give people. Um, and so then they had, it was branded and they could put it on their phone. Or the other thing that I did was I would grab their phone and I would put my email in it.

And then the connection that we had and like what we talked about, and I’d send myself an email from their phone. So then the next day it’s in my inbox, basically a running to-do list of all of these people that I met. And, you know, maybe it was, we were talking about dog food to recommendations, or maybe it was talking about looking for a new accountant.

So I had that follow-up action item in my to-do for the next day.

Great tip. I remember when we first met, you sent me an email the second day too. Right?

Yeah. You’re such a great connector. You’re good at referrals, connecting people, whether that’s virtual or online, because you, you are confident that you have something to provide value to others.

And I think that’s, that’s where confidence comes from is knowing that I have value, my self-worth is there. By knowing me, I’m going to provide you value, right? But what about for some, some people who are experiencing self-doubt, they, maybe they don’t feel they have much to offer.

Maybe they feel like they’re only in the beginning of their journey, or they’re not quite there yet because there’s always something else to improve, right? What are some ways to provide value in a networking relationship in such situation when you don’t feel like you have much to offer?

That’s such an insightful question, or interesting question to think about. I think we all have value. So you definitely have to seek out that value.

And while it might not feel as transactional as I have a good accountant for you to meet, there typically is something that you can give. And I do a lot of mentoring with college grads or recent or college seniors. And one of the things that the next generation has that we don’t have is they, they just know how to do tech so much better in so many ways.

So even offering to help with setting up a Canva or doing something with social media or something I’ve seen before at these events, I’ll bring up like I’m traveling and I’m looking for a dog sitter. And they’re like, I love dogs. I would love to dog sit for you, or my neighbor dog sits, you know, it doesn’t have to be related to your, your occupation to be valuable and to pour into the person.

And then same thing, it could be a recommendation. I need a new nail place. It could be, I’m looking for a new restaurant.

Like we all have something to give. It’s just remembering that, you know, more than you think, you know, in all of the things. And then I think the other thing too, is asking the question.

And as someone who likes to give more than take, this is a hard question for me to ask or ask upon myself, but how can I help you? Or like, in which ways are you struggling? Where do you need help the most?

And you know, it’s hard for me to be like, I’m usually like, I’m good. Thanks. Let’s do it about you.

But what is that flag that you want to fly? And so when someone does ask you that question, you can tap into it.

Thank you. What about when someone you want to network with is with a higher profile? Like what’s your advice for handling imposter syndrome when we’re trying to network with high profile individuals?

Pretend you don’t know that they’re hiring. A perfect example of this, or try to find that connection, try to find that that wedge that pushes open the door. So a perfect example of this was we saw when we were at alt summit, where we met last year, we saw Allie Webb and Allie Webb was on the stage.

And so her son goes to the college that I went to. And I knew that. And so I started, when I saw that she was going to be the speaker, I started sending her messages on Instagram, making that connection and kind of like, I didn’t ask for her time or anything, but I just kept reminding it.

And so now I get messages back to her when she’s trying to, she’s selling things to me. But, you know, you kind of want to put your foot into their, into their world a little bit and find that connect, that moment of connectivity. And know that oftentimes, sometimes those people will pay you no attention.

And sometimes they will, you’ve got to shoot your shot because you never know what that person needs, wants, or is looking for in their life, in their life. They are human. And you just never know, yeah.

Jennifer Garner doesn’t know it yet, but we’re going to be going to be.

How about when someone you’re talking to, you feel like this conversation is not going well, it’s not beneficial. You want to end it, but how do you gracefully exit the conversation without being rude? 

Yes. Okay.

This is my favorite one. Oh, and this is probably the biggest challenge one. I will find.

So hopefully at this point in the night, I’ve already met other people. So I will use the other people I’ve met as an exit. So for example, I’ll be like, Lucy, I loved talking to you about, um, I don’t know, doggy daycares, whatever we were talking, coaching strategies.

I there’s someone that I need to connect with over there. But before I, we say goodbye, I really want you to meet Susan. I met her earlier.

She’s a coach. I think you guys will have a lot in common. Let me go find her and make sure that you guys have the chance to connect.

And so then I’m pulling you to a person. I’m teeing up this conversation and maybe you guys will have more in common than you and I had. That is good.

Generous. So then let’s, let’s play this scenario. You haven’t met Susan yet.

This is your first combo of the night. Same thing applies where I’d grab your information and send you an email or send an email to my account. And then say, Lucy, there’s a few other people that I’m hoping to circulate with here, but I had such a wonderful time connecting with you.

And I can’t wait to follow up with you on X, Y, and Z that I sent the email. I’m going to go find that person. See you around.

I’m eight months pregnant. I’m going to go to, I have to go to the bathrooms. So please excuse me.

Thank you so much. So many great tips before I let you go. What is your favorite quote?

Oh, I love this one. And this was a hard one to narrow down, but I found this one by Keith Farazi. I have no idea who this person is, but the currency of real networking is not greed, but generosity.

So remember, put those deposits in and be generous because it’s much easier to withdraw from a full bank.

Beautifully said. Thank you so much, Emily. Everyone listening, you want to connect with Emily.

She is the queen of networking. She can, she can set you up with everything you need. 

Yes, of networking.

So connect with her. And where can we find you at? 

Follow me on Instagram.

I’m Emily A. Merrell, spelled like the shoes, not the bank. And you can also find me at my company.

That is a whole networking business called seconddegreesociety.com. 

Thank you.

Thank you so much, Lucy.

Hi there my friend, today, I’m tackling a big topic: toxic positivity. You’ve probably heard the term before—some people roll their eyes at it, others swear by it. But what is it really, and is there a way to make it work for us rather than against us? 

If you are new here, welcome welcome. I’m your host Lucy Liu, your confidence coach and guide on this self-growth journey. Let’s dive in.

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So What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the idea that no matter what happens, you should always stay positive. 

It’s the “good vibes only” mindset taken to the extreme. 

I think staying optimistic is a great tool in life and I always say I’m an eternal optimist. 

But, ignoring negative emotions can be harmful. 

When we force ourselves—or others—to always be positive, we dismiss real struggles and emotions that need to be processed.

Think of a time when you were struggling, and someone told you to “just be grateful” or “look on the bright side.” 

Well, these are all very well-intended, but these statements can feel dismissive at the time of pain. They don’t acknowledge pain, frustration, or grief, which are all valid emotions that deserve space. 

Why Do Some People Hate Toxic Positivity?

Many people dislike toxic positivity because it feels fake.

When we push positivity onto someone who’s struggling, it can come across as saying, “Your emotions don’t matter” or “You’re not trying hard enough to be happy.” That’s not fair, right?

Toxic positivity can also create shame around experiencing negative emotions, making other people feel like they’re failing in life, failing at personal growth if they aren’t happy all the time. 

The truth is, real growth comes from processing all emotions—positive and negative.

The Benefits of Positivity—When Used Correctly

So, does that mean positivity is bad? Absolutely not! 

I don’t care how many people hate toxic positivity, I’m still going to choose positivity to the extreme. I’m still going to be an optimist. I’m still going to shine my light, and whenever you are ready, you will receive. Like that saying goes, when you are ready to learn, your teacher will appear. 

In fact, when we use positivity correctly, it can be such a powerful tool for growth. Here’s why:

1. Optimism Fuels Resilience – When we acknowledge our struggles but choose to see possibilities, we build resilience. It’s not about ignoring hardship but believing in our ability to overcome it. More struggles, more resilience, more confidence, more growth. 
2. Positive Self-Talk Improves Confidence – Encouraging words helps shift our mindset from self-doubt to self-belief. Instead of “I’ll never figure this out,” say, “I am capable, and I’ll find a way.”
3. Shifting Perspective – Recognizing the good doesn’t erase the bad, but it does help us focus on what’s within our control. By choosing positivity, we are shifting our perspective and therefore choosing to change our reactions, our thoughts, our feelings and our actions. And only different actions will lead to different results.
4. Energy Attracts Energy – When we cultivate a healthy level of positivity, we attract opportunities and relationships that align with that energy. Because I’m super bubbly and positive, everyone I talk to is positive. My daughter is super positive and confident and you bet every single one of my guests are just incredible human beings. 

Using Positivity in a Healthy Way

The key is balance. Here’s how we can use positivity in a way that supports real self-growth:

• Acknowledge ALL Emotions – Feel your feelings. Don’t suppress sadness, anger, or frustration. They carry important messages about what you need. But set a timeframe so you don’t dwell in negativity for too long. 
• Reframe, Don’t Dismiss – Instead of saying “Don’t be sad,” try “I see you’re struggling. How can I support you?” This applies to self-talk too!
• Allow Space for Growth – Give yourself grace. You don’t have to be happy all the time to be growing. Progress isn’t linear.

And if you had to take anything away from this episode, I want it to be that “We Deserve the Positivity We’ve Built”

Here’s the thing—because I’ve done the work, decades of personal development and inner work, I deserve the positivity I have now. It’s not toxic positivity, it is real authentic positivity.

If you’ve worked through self-doubt, past pain, and limiting beliefs, don’t feel guilty for choosing joy. You earned it! You deserve it! 

The key is making sure our positivity is grounded in self-awareness, not avoidance.

I hope this episode helped you see that positivity isn’t the enemy—it’s all about how we use it. If this resonated with you, share this episode with someone who needs it. And if you haven’t yet, hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode!

Until next time, remember: confidence isn’t about being loud—it’s about being grounded in who you truly are.

And this episode is for you if you or someone around you is going through infidelity or an affair.

We are here to help you or your loved ones expedite the healing journey. And for that exact reason, I have with me my special guest expert today, Laura Cheadle. Laura is a betrayal and recovery coach, legal consultant, bestselling author, international speaker, TEDx speaker, and host of the podcast, Flaunt, Create a Life You Love After Infidelity or Betrayal.

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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the show, Laura. 

Yay, thank you so much for having me. I’m looking forward to our conversation.

Awesome. Let’s start with why do you think people cheat, even when they are in a happy relationship? Well, we see from the outside, right?

Yeah. And I’m so glad you put that qualifier on it.

Because actually, if you look at the statistics, most people do cheat in happy relationships. It’s such a misnomer that I was miserable, so I cheated. The real reason people cheat is because they’re trying to make themselves feel better inside, whether it’s a lack of validation, whether it’s a midlife crisis, whether a loved one has a cancer diagnosis, and they’re going through something difficult.

People cheat as a tool to try to make themselves feel better. It has nothing to do with the other person and everything about them.

So that sounds like a misconception, right? What are some of the other misconceptions you’ve seen about infidelity?

Yeah, there’s so many of those. One of the biggest misconceptions is once a cheater, always a cheater. Could be, but it’s like saying, once a smoker, always a smoker.

Can you quit? Yes. Once a drinker, always a drinker.

Can you quit? Yes. Like I said earlier, cheating is a tool that we use to try to make ourselves feel better.

And what most people find out when they cheat is it might make you feel better in a moment. It might give you that little sense of something that you need, but then you feel worse and you feel guilty and you feel ashamed. So once you start learning how to identify your emotions, how to ask for what you want, how to nurture and nourish yourself, maybe how to leave a relationship, then the quote need to cheat no longer exists.

And no, you will not be a cheater forever.

Good point. I believe change is possible. That’s where coaching comes in, right?

You mentioned leaving. So that’s a good question. So how should someone, how does a couple decide whether to rebuild their relationship or to leave?

Yeah.

That kind of dovetails into another misconception. Most people end up staying together after infidelity because the infidelity brings to the surface all of the issues that have not been dealt with in the past. And then it’s a catalyst to learn how to communicate, to learn how to advocate, to learn how to deepen the intimacy and create the relationship that they wanted.

So not that I recommend cheating to you, give your relationship a restart, but it’s one of those things that if both partners are committed to uncovering, to figuring the truth out, to listen, to see what was really going on, then they can come back together and create a really solid relationship. But if both partners aren’t interested, that’s when to walk away.

And this, this is why we see our friend going through an affair and they swear they’re going to get a divorce. And then the next time you talk to them, they’re happily back together. 

Yeah. And I know it’s so confusing, but it’s hard.

Deciding to upend your life is hard. Being blindsided by cheating, even if you choose to leave the relationship later, sometimes you need a year to just reground and figure out who am I, what do I want in a relationship? So yes, give people time, give people grace, let them make their own decisions.

So from a friend’s point of view, I would be very glad if they can work out their relationship to be stronger after infidelity. You talked about better communication or dealing with the problems that were just left behind, left on the back burner, right? So what is the first step someone should take after discovering infidelity in order to get there?

Yeah, great question.

The first step is to let yourself grieve, to let yourself feel the pain, whether it’s for you or your friend, let them cry, let them rage, think all the horrible things you want to think, say all the horrible things you want to say to a trusted friend or journal them out, but let your feelings flow. As strong women, as entrepreneurs, we are so used to being like, I’ve got this. I can lean in and I can fix this.

Yes, you can, but later, later you can fix it. Right now you need to cry. You need to wallow.

You need to be a mess on the floor because you’ve got to let those feelings come out first. The key though, is not staying there.

I love that. Yes, so much. Yes.

Give grace to this period. Give yourself grace and know that our emotions are valid. They are valid.

It’s just, this is temporary, right? 

Yeah. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And when we deny our emotions, that’s when we create illness or dis-ease in the body.

That’s when mentally we start getting in conflict with ourselves and we ultimately make it worse for ourselves.

Yes. Yes. Like, just like you’re drowning in an ocean.

The more you fight it, the more you’re going to drown. So instead, just stay afloat by doing actually nothing. Right.

Yeah. Yeah.

Journal, grieve, rest, step back. And that’s so hard for us, isn’t it? Because we can do it all, all the time.

Stop. It’s just stop.

I think self-worth has a lot to do with recovery. And I think self-worth and confidence really is at the core, is playing the essential role of recovery. Would you agree with me?

Yes, absolutely. And something that I want to lean into that because yes, there is self-worth, but it’s also, and this is where I think your audience will really understand the most. We are used to doing, we are doers, we are achievers, and self-worth is not performing.

Self-worth is not doing. Self-worth is not how successful we are. Self-worth is how we can be with ourselves, how we can know our own worth, not tied to those external things that we do, but that internal sense.

And that’s hard. That’s really hard for anybody. But I think especially for high achievers to drop in and to own that sense of worth, but you’re right.

That’s where it all starts.

So for your clients, when they are going through difficult times, what are some of the practices and mindset shifts that you help them make in order to go through their healing journey faster?

The biggest one is my work is all encapsulated in the acronym FLAUNT. And I love the acronym FLAUNT because it’s expansive, it’s projecting, it’s owning, it’s being out there. And whenever we’re hurt, we crumble.

Whenever we’re afraid, we shrink. Whenever something goes bad, we hide. And the more we hide, the worse we feel about ourselves.

So my work is really focused on that expansion, that flaunting, not rubbing it in your face and huffing up and being more than you are. But if you’re in pain, be in pain. If you’re vulnerable, be vulnerable.

If you’re proud of yourself because of some amazing accomplishments, be proud. But it’s just flaunting all of you all the time because who you are is always more than enough. So put it out there.

And that’s what my work focuses on is how to be present, how to take up space when things are good, and how to take up space when things are really, really painful.

Beautifully said. Something I’ve taught my girl, myself, is to flaunt in the mirror to herself, like looking in the mirror and telling her how beautiful she is, how amazing she is. And I think it goes a long way when we flaunt ourselves.

I love that. I really love that. And you know, one of the things that I tell my people is we can’t expect other people to see in us what we can’t see in ourselves. And that practice is such a beautiful way of seeing in ourselves all those beautiful things that we want other people to see.

So I love that.

What are some other confidence boosters that you’ve taught your clients during the rebuilding process?

Yeah, one of the biggest confidence boosters is using music to move your body. I am a somatic attachment therapist, and we process through movement. And again, being smart women, we get up in our heads, and we figure things out, and we learn more information.

And we think, think, think, think, think. But we have to flow it in our bodies. And sometimes just having music on reminds us, oh, I can move my shoulders.

Oh, I can shake my hips a little bit. I even tell people, shake your hands. It sounds silly, but sitting there shaking your hands or kicking your feet, it increases the energy, which then increases your confidence.

It drops you out of your head and into your body. And it reminds you, I am a body and my body is strong. And that pumps up your level of confidence too, because look at me go, I can move and I can bring in joy through my body.

And I am me.

I love that so much. A couple episodes back, I did a topic on healing through dancing and where we talked about all you have to do is to dance across the floor from your bedroom to the kitchen. Even that will change your life.

Totally, totally, totally.

And it’s fun. Music is fun. Dancing is fun.

It’s got great benefits, but cut to the chase. It’s fun. Do what’s fun.

Okay. So of course, though, unfortunately there’s going to be trust that’s lost. So how do you help your clients rebuild trust after betrayals?

Yes.

Two points on that. First of all, it’s up to the other person to be trustworthy. It’s not up to you to start trusting them again.

It’s up to them to show up as trustworthy. It’s up to them to do what they say they’re going to do to speak their truth. It’s not up to you.

Second point on that though, is in order to learn how to trust others, whether it’s the person who betrayed you or anybody else, we have to learn to trust ourselves first. And that’s so hard to do. I talk about making unbroken promises to yourself.

How often do you break promises to yourself? All the time. How can you start showing up for yourself?

If you say you’re going to do something, how can you make sure that you do it? How can you start listening to your intuition instead of just your logic? How can you incorporate, you know, we talked about the body, the heart, the mind, the body.

How can you listen to yourself and trust yourself? It’s small steps. It’s a process, but when you do everything opens up and then yes, you can discern if other people are trustworthy or not.

Oh, I love that perspective. It’s the other person. It’s not you.

So never blame yourself, right? Never overthink for yourself. It’s not about you.

That is a great, great reminder.

I love that Laura and your opinion too. What, what do you think is true forgiveness or is that even possible?

Yeah, you know, I have a hard time with the word forgiveness. Just maybe it’s me. Maybe other people are like, no, I’m all in and that’s fine.

For me, the most powerful thing is acceptance. Unconditional acceptance. This happened.

This happened to me. This happened for me. This is what this other person thought, believed, did.

When you can truly accept everything that everybody did from a place of neutrality, not, yeah, I accept that that jerk did this to me, but from a place of, yeah, I accept it. It’s sad. It’s tragic, but I’m neutral about it.

To me, that’s the ultimate goal is ultimate, radical, neutral acceptance instead of forgiveness. To me, forgiveness implies a hierarchy that I’m somehow better than you and that I can now forgive you. And I, I don’t like that hierarchical thinking.

That’s another great mindset shift. Yes. I think it’s these little mindset shifts that add up together to a better tomorrow.

Yeah, absolutely. And you’re still right there. Little mindset shifts, but keep working with them.

And then suddenly you just start feeling free and start becoming free.

And it’s your decision. I mean, there’s no right or wrong answer here, right? Laura and I are here just to help you recover, but it’s after all, it’s your life.

You get to decide if you want to rebuild the relationship, make it stronger or, or it’s okay to walk away.

Yeah, absolutely. Do what you want to do. Trust yourself.

This is about that internal process. What does my head say? What does my gut say?

What does my heart say? Trusting yourself, not what does my neighbor think? And what does my sister think?

But what do I think?

So for those who’s decided they are going to walk away, can you give them some inspiration as to what their best steps are? 

Yes. First of all, if you’re going to walk away, don’t get caught in the belief that walking away is going to heal everything. When you walk away, you still have to heal the wound of betrayal. You have rights.

Advocate for yourself. Ask questions. See more than one attorney.

See more than one mediator. Ask questions. 

Don’t ever feel ashamed that I should know better.

You deserve a lot. You deserve to understand. Even if you don’t get what you hoped, understand why you’re not entitled to that under the law.

Ask questions. 

Your life will be better than you think on the other side.

Seek help. Yes, you are not alone.

Because so many people when I was practicing law, you hear, you connect with people, you understand the law because it’s your business. You see their eyes glazing over, but then they’re not asking you questions. So you can’t bridge that gap and help them understand.

So ask. Don’t be ashamed that you don’t know something. Just keep asking.

Beautifully said. Laura, in your days when you need a picker upper, is there a favorite quote that you go by in life?

It’s an Einstein quote. I don’t always get the exact quote right, but it’s like the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. And why I love that and why I go back to it is so often I realize I’m on autopilot.

And why am I doing the same thing and expecting a different result? Whether it’s in a relationship, in business, in a friendship, do something differently.

I love that. Thank you so much for sharing. So for someone who needs more help or want to check out your work, where can they go?

My website, laurachetal.com. And my name, Laura, is L-O-R-A, not the traditional spelling of Lora.

Thank you so much. And I’ll be linked in the show notes. 

Thank you.

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t quite fit into the “introvert” or “extrovert” box, this episode is for you.

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In Chinese culture we celebrate Chinese New Year for 15 days, so I am still in the new lunar new year spirit so again Happy New Year! May the New Year continue to bring you joy, success, blessings and endless new possibilities! .

And as the new year approached I came to a really big revelation about my own life that’s been very eye opening to myself.

For the longest time, I thought of myself as a weirdo because I am super introverted, I speak on confidence, I live and breathe wanting to help others be more confident, yet I love being the quiet one in the room, I love being by myself.

So the strange part has always been that I’m at the same time extroverted. I love being around other human beings, I love to speak publicly and I don’t have a problem standing up for my thoughts.

Even taking personality tests, one year I’m introverted, the next year I’m extroverted. I always thought how weird am I?

For many years, I told myself I’m not weird, I’m unique, I’m limited edition, I’m special.

But it wasn’t until recently I discovered the word “ambivert” and I finally feel truly at ease knowing that I am an ambivert.

So today, we’re going to break down what it means to be an ambivert, how it can be a strength, and how we can use this personality trait to fuel our self-growth. Let’s get into it!

So what does ambivert mean? What is the meaning of ambivert?

According to the Cambridge Dictionary an ambivert is a person who has features of both an introvert and an extrovert in their personality. Ambiverts are sometimes also called outgoing introverts or social introverts or extroverted introverts. 

Because I so resonate to be an ambivert myself of course I went down the rabbit hole of learning all about ambiverts.

Most people don’t actually strongly identify as introverts or extroverts. Ambiverts naturally engage in a flexible pattern of both talking and listening.

In the right context, in the right mood, around the right people, ambiverts can be extroverted. But even though an ambivert typically enjoys other people, we also need time alone.

If you are like me, you’ve loved a party or an event one day but needed a full day of solitude afterward, you might be an ambivert!

There are alot of Pros of Being an Ambivert

1. Adaptability: One of the biggest strengths of ambiverts is their ability to adapt. Whether in a meeting, at a networking event, or working alone on a project, you can adjust your energy accordingly.
2. Great Listeners & Communicators: We are great listeners because ambiverts understand both introverted and extroverted tendencies, we can be excellent communicators, knowing when to speak up and when to listen.
3. Emotionally Intelligent: Since we can relate to both ends of the spectrum, ambiverts often have strong emotional intelligence, helping us connect with different personality types. Isn’t that amazing?

Now that we know the strengths of being an ambivert, how can we use them for personal growth?

Here are some ideas:

1. Honor Your Energy Cycles – This is really important! Pay attention to when you need social interaction and when you need rest. Schedule accordingly to prevent burnout.
2. Use Your Adaptability to Your Advantage – If you’re in a social setting and feel overwhelmed, lean into your introverted side. If you’re feeling stuck in isolation, push yourself to go out and socialize.

Now I totally think being an ambivert is a superpower. 

You get to experience the best of both worlds and use that flexibility to grow in ways that others might not be able to.

The key is to recognize your own patterns and embrace them fully.

So, are you an ambivert? Let me know! I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. 

Connect with me on Instagram @mslucyliu, and let’s keep the conversation going.

Thanks for tuning in, and as always, stay true to yourself. Until next time!