216. Dealing With Friendships Not Lasting

If you feel you are losing some friends or if you are having difficulty maintaining some friendships, this episode is for you because I want you to know you are not alone and that it is ok because everyone is on their own journey. Life can be pretty lonely if you don’t have friends, but let me give you the hard truth, in my opinion when you take personal development seriously you will most likely lose some friends. But the good news is you will also make new friends who are in the same season of life.

So let’s first discuss why people let go of friends. Most common reasons may include if one of you can’t hold a conversation anymore because you simply no longer share common interests, or if one of you have anxiety that you no longer tolerate being showered with anxious thoughts, or if none of you initial contact anymore, or if you don’t open up to each other with truth, or if everyone is too busy,  too opinionated, too negative, or you have offended each other unknowingly. And of course last but not least and very common, you have simply outgrown your friends. 

So this is a good time to do some journaling or quiet reflections. Do you still want this friendship?

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I feel supported and valued in this friendship?
• Are we able to communicate openly and resolve conflicts constructively?
• Do we share similar values, interests, and goals?
• Does this friendship contribute positively to my life, growth, and happiness?
• Are there any recurring patterns of behavior that cause discomfort or unhappiness?
• Am I able to be my authentic self around this person?
• Is there trust and mutual respect in this friendship?
• How do I feel after spending time with this person? Energized or drained?

Reflecting on these questions can provide clarity on whether a friendship is healthy and fulfilling or if it may be time to reevaluate its place in your life.

Then from here you get to make a decision if you want to try to make amendments and fix the friendship and stay in the friendship or simply move on to making some new friends. It is your life, you get to decide who stays in your life and you can always welcome new friends into your life. 

Remember to not take anything personally, don’t be too hard on yourself and put all the blame on yourself. Friendships are only temporary just like how even life is temporary and friendships can only be maintained if both people want to maintain it. 

Many people think having long term friends would make you happy. Although there is some truth in that, I definitely love my friends a whole lot when they’ve been in my life for 30 plus years. But I also love some of new friends because I learned it does not matter how many friends you have or for how long. I needed to absolutely love and accept myself before befriending anyone else.

Once I loved and accepted myself, I realized the people that come and go in my life and they all teach me something. Every single person has given me something. Love, guidance, self-improvement, wisdom, confidence, resilience are just a few things these people may have taught me while we were on the same path together.

I am grateful for every single person, positive or negative, that comes into my life. People come and go along our life paths, be grateful while you walk together. On a coaching call with a client last week, she said that she was grateful for being grateful and I loved that. Once we see life and its curveballs through the lens of gratitude, things start shifting, our mindset starts shifting and the situations start shifting. 

So acknowledge the change in your friendship, prioritize self love and living in the present, make new habits and memories and shift to put more energy into your other friendships that are more meaningful and fulfilling. 

Cheers to your self growth.