220. STOP Second-Guessing Your Decisions

Hey there high achiever, this episode is for you if you catch yourself second guessing your decisions and you want to stop that.

A very common theme I see from talking to clients or people in general is that very often as soon as we make a decision, we start second guessing or doubting our decisions. Now if you need help to make a faster decision to start with, head back to episode 93 where I talked about making faster decisions. 

Is it normal to second guess a decision? 

Totally! And you are not alone. It is human nature and that only means your brain is also doing its job right trying to protect you from what it thinks can be harmful. So don’t beat yourself up just because you are feeling this way. Second guessing is sign of a healthy, highly functional psyche. Second-guessing yourself is your way of preparing yourself for some of the realities of a new experience that you’re about to get into.

What does second guess your choices mean? 

When you second-guess something, you are predicting what will happen in the future. One of my motto has always been that the future is a mystery so let the mystery be, let it unfold, don’t waste your precious time now to worry about something that hasn’t even happened YET because today is the gift that’s why we call it the present. 

What is second guessing a symptom of?

Second-guessing is often thought of as a form of insecurity, anxiety and lack of self-confidence about whether or not you have made the right decision. Gaslighting is a term describing the form of emotional abuse where another person makes you doubt yourself or question yourself. In the case of gaslighting, seek professional help. But in this episode, I’m only talking about the kind of second guessing you are putting on yourself, the self doubt ok? Like I said earlier, it is ok and healthy to second guess decisions and maybe review the pros and cons but prolonged second guessing tendencies and inaction to move forward after making a decision needs to be stopped. 

I do think second guessing is in many ways similar to overthinking, so if you also find yourself overthinking, please also listen to episode 89 on How To Stop Overthinking

So, how do we stop second guessing ourselves? 

1. I believe the first step to overcoming any obstacle in life is to have awareness. Stopping second-guessing yourself is to understand your motivation For Why You Second Guess Yourself. Be aware of the negative thoughts that might be spiraling around in your head that’s keeping you second guessing and stopping you from taking action. 
2. Remember that only action will lead to clarity. We call it second-guessing for a reason, it is only a guess, it’s fussy, it’s blurry and we are scattered all over the place and overthinking. So the only true way to stop it is to actually take action. Yes sometimes as soon as you take action you second-guess yourself again but that’s ok because even so you have moved one step forward and baby steps forward makes forward progress. 
3.  Trust yourself and trust your intuitions. Making a decision forces you to get out of your fear loop and help you grow in areas where you’re not comfortable. When you second-guess yourself, it’s usually because of that discomfort or fear. But it’s important to remember that change happens incrementally. Even if you’re not seeing an obvious positive result yet, believe it is coming. Believe there is a way and your decision had the reason to lead you to where you are now. So again, trust yourself and trust your intuitions.
4. Realize there is often not “one right answer” This one comes up alot in client sessions. Because we are so often stuck in choosing between option a or b that we forget there is a possible c or that both a or b can work so there is actually no wrong answer. So why are you wasting so much time going back and forth in your head second-guessing yourself when if you just take action both choices would have worked out fine. 
5. Uncertainties and risks are inevitable. Remind yourself that whatever decision you make, there will always be some risk involved. The important thing is to minimise that risk as much as possible by gathering all of the information you need, making an informed decision and take action. Uncertainty is the only certainty we truly have, so embrace each season, embrace each opportunity to grow, embrace failures, embrace mistakes, and just have more fun along the way. Instead of dwelling in your decision, focus on how you can make this new journey or new chapter of your life more interesting for your own enjoyment. Ask yourself what actions can you take that you will actually be happy doing? Focus on your long term goals, focus on your mindset, focus on your personal growth. When you focus on the right things, that’s when things change for you. Cheers to you writing the new adventurous chapter of your life and please comment below what other topics you want me to cover, see you next week.