243. Smashing Stereotypes & Forging Change with Disability Advocate Tiffany Yu

With guest Disability Advocate Tiffany Yu we are here to talk about Smashing Stereotypes & Forging Change.

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At age nine, Tiffany Yu became disabled in a car accident that also resulted in the death of her father and left her with PTSD.

Now Tiffany Yu, founder and CEO of Diversability is an award-winning social impact entrepreneur, disability advocate, and content creator. She is also an in-demand speaker, podcast host, 3 times TEDx speaker and her work and story have been featured in tons of top publications such as The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Forbes, USA Today, and author of book The Anti-Ableist Manifesto. 

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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Hello, hello, beautiful souls, this episode is for you, if you want a dose of inspiration to smashing stereotypes and forging change, not only in your life and business, but also for the greater community. And for that, I have my special guest, Tiffany Yu, founder and CEO of Diversibility, who is an award winning social impact entrepreneur, disability advocate and content creator. She is also an in-demand speaker, podcast host, three times TEDx speaker and her work and story have been featured in top publications, such as the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, Forbes, USA Today.

And we would be here for a long time if I had to list out all of her amazingness. So let’s cut it short. She is the bestselling author of her new book, the Anti-Ableist Manifesto.

Welcome to the show, Tiffany.

Thanks so much for having me. Not a bestseller yet, but we can manifest it.

Well, by the time this episode air, it will happen. I know it. I love your book.

Love your story. A quick preview. At age nine, Tiffany, you became disabled in a car accident that also resulted in the death of your father and left you with PTSD.

Now let’s hear your side of the story.

Yeah, so that’s the one sentence version of it. If you want the 10 minute version of it, I have a TEDx talk called The Power of Exclusion. But as you mentioned, at the age of nine, I was in this car accident.

I acquired a handful of injuries, including permanently paralyzing one of my arms, breaking a couple bones in one of my legs that would leave me in a wheelchair as a temporary wheelchair user for about four months. And then much later being diagnosed with a mental health disability, PTSD, as you also mentioned. And one of the things I want to highlight is that we don’t owe anyone these disability origin stories.

But part of why I share mine is that I think it provides or I want it to provide context. So I’m coming into this conversation as someone who acquired my disability at a young age. I wasn’t born with it.

In addition to that, I acquired my disability as a result of a tragic accident where someone else passed away. So there are multiple layers of grief in there. But there’s a little bit of nuance in terms of, yes, the car accident was tragic.

But my life and existence as a disabled person is not. And how can we separate that? Yes, there are some sad parts about that story.

But my current existence isn’t sad. And that’s part of the unlearning that I’m trying to get people to do through this book, through the social media series, through our work at Diversibility. Unlearning ableism and unlearning these harmful thoughts about the disability community.

I can’t even imagine what you have gone through. But I 100% believe that all hindrances in life eventually become our assets. Would you agree with me?

You know, I agree with it now, 27 years after the accident. But in a lot of ways, I still wish that what happened to 9-year-old Tiffany didn’t. Sometimes when I watch old videos of myself, even that 2018 TEDx talk that I mentioned, I like start crying.

Because I don’t want kids to go through things that make them not get to celebrate the fullness of being a child and that childhood innocence. And at the same time, I also understand there are a lot of hard things, and formally they’re called adverse childhood experiences, that do happen to kids. But how can we lessen them?

Or how can we start the healing process sooner? But in a lot of ways, I guess what I am most grateful for is that I discovered and connected with the disability community. And that I am a part of this beautiful community for the last almost 30 years.

So essentially, I like to tell people that some of us within the disability community have what are called two disability origin stories. So I shared the first about the car accident. That’s the first origin.

But then there’s a second origin, which is the turning point or the moment or a long period or a phase or chapter, when a disabled person decides to take pride, ownership, identity, even at a baseline level, just acceptance of a disability identity. And I will share that maybe not a lot of disabled people will get to that second origin story. But I think for me, yes, the hard thing was there.

But I’m so grateful I got to that second story, which happened about 15 years ago with the beginnings with the creation of Diversibility and this disability community. And that I think I’m more grateful for. But yes, that that first that first story, and I think the experiences that happened up until that second story became the fuel for my fire, and why I wanted to dedicate my life to building communities everywhere I went.

Beautifully said.

And if you’re new to disability, we will talk about a little bit more about that later on in our conversation. But if you are, you know, not relating to disability, I want you to think about any hardship. This could, you know, mean childhood trauma in other ways, or just hardship along your life that’s hindering you from living the life that you deserve.

So Tiffany, what stereotypes did you have to smash along the way of your personal development?

Yeah, and I know your audience is, you know, focused on growth. So I want to put a little asterisk in that when Lucy and I first met, we were at a conference. And my company Diversibility was actually in the running to win $60,000 in the small business promotion contest thing.

And I was literally just going around and telling everyone to scan this QR code and vote. So anyway, so I just wanted to mention that in case we wanted to talk about that part of growing and kind of building your business too. But I think the stereotypes I had to overcome were around thinking that as a disabled person, I wasn’t going to amount to much.

And as an Asian woman, that my voice and story didn’t matter. And I think that being at this trifecta of being Asian and being a woman and being disabled, there are so many stereotypes that I think we’re combating all the time. And I will say that, interestingly enough, even though my work is so disability centered, most of the positive feedback I get and support is actually from Asian women who are really proud to see someone standing in their truth or in their purpose, going out and using their voice, trying to advocate to make this world a little bit better for all of us.

So you talked about the second half, right, where you get to the better end. What kind of mindset shifts did you need to make in order to forge changes in your own life?

Ooh, such a good question. This is why coaches are good podcast hosts, because you ask the best questions. You know, I will say that I, I guess I will first preface by saying I read this amazing book called Daring Greatly in 2016 by Brene Brown.

And after that point in time, I really decided that I wanted to lead with vulnerability. And I want to, I don’t know if I’ve necessarily overcome the hurdles. I still have a very loud inner critic.

I’ve actually given them a whole personality and a name, and sometimes they show up in full force. But one thing I’ve had to remind myself, and I guess what keeps me going, is that my mission is bigger than me. So one small example I can share is that I really, I really don’t like the sound of my voice.

And I’ve been on, I do a lot of speaking engagements for a living. I was a podcast host. I’ve been a guest on a lot of podcasts.

I make a lot of video content. And I hate going back and re-watching or re-listening to it. But I remember, I’m on your podcast.

I’m reaching your audiences now. The message is bigger than how self-conscious I feel about the way I’m speaking.

I can relate so much to what you just said, Tiffany. Because even as, you know, this will be podcast episode number 243, I still hate my voice. Like, when I listen to it, I’m like, I wish I sound better, right?

But that can’t stop us from doing what we love. And that is to make someone else stay better. That is to add value to someone else’s life.

And I think if we come from a place of service, that makes a world of difference. Instead of focusing on ourselves, right? Like, I lack.

I’m not good enough. Instead of what we are able to do.

I will say something. So, Diversibility is turning 15 this year. Very exciting.

Someone made a joke that I started it when I was in kindergarten. But we’ll do another episode on skincare secrets later. But something I did have to learn early on in my journey is, I did feel like I was pouring from an empty cup for a long period of time.

And actually, maybe one learning I’ve had is like, being able to better set boundaries around my time, especially if we are in service to others, is knowing like, okay, in order for us to be in service to others, I need to make sure my own cup is overflowing. I need to make sure I’m making time and harmony and balance for rest. That is something that I’ve definitely prioritized in these last couple of years.

But yeah, the message is bigger than we are. And do what we need to do to take care of ourselves too.

And coming back to what you said earlier, Tiffany, we met in person for the first time at this conference. And she is just so powerful. I see her going around with this QR code asking people to vote for her.

I’m like, yes, I voted for you. And everyone was like, yes, yes, we voted. Yes, done.

Like, you were fearless. And I love that. And when I think of the word disability now, it just equates to power to me because of you.

And I know it took you a long time to get there. Because like in your book, you talked about once the accident happened to you, you didn’t even tell any of your friends that your father passed away for how many years? For 12 years.

And just like so many things happened to us that we hide to ourselves. And that creates the inner stress, right? The disorder, the PTSD.

And that happens to a lot of us on different levels with different stories that we tell ourselves, whether that’s relationship, work, personal. It could be anything, right? It’s different for every human being.

But as long as you are a human being, all of us have our stories. It’s about what we do with your story. And I love what you did with your story.

What mindset shift for you it was to open up and make that mindset shift?

I think it was realizing like I actually still remember the date that I shared the story of the car accident publicly for the first time. And I know you probably read this in the intro, but it was October 22, 2009. The car accident was in 1997.

And when I shared that story, I cried. But what I realized afterward, after sharing it, was that people saw themselves in my story. And I think one of the things I had to learn about sharing stories was why am I telling this story, right?

So I know when we opened up this conversation, I’m sharing this story to provide context. Not only is it context around who I am, but why I care so much about my work. And also what unique disability perspective I’m bringing into the community that I’m a part of as well.

And all of the intersections as well. So the mindset shift I think was, and I don’t want to be, I think one of the things I’ve had to unlearn is putting so much of my self-worth on other people’s opinions of me. But I will say that some of the positive feedback and mirroring that I received from other people who saw themselves in my story and then felt comfortable starting to share more of theirs.

And I actually loved, Lucy, that you shared that you see disability as power because you met me. You know, and you saw me fearlessly going around with this QR code. And I think even you naming that shift is part of the shift that I’m hoping to make.

So yeah, in the beginning, and I don’t know if it was a mindset shift per say. In a lot of ways, I feel like I came into all of this work accidentally. So when I started Diversibility, I would not have self-identified as a disability advocate.

I saw myself as someone who so desperately wanted and needed a community to not feel so isolated and alone in this experience. Maybe the mindset shift was a breaking point of saying, I feel so alone and screaming out into the void. I mean, now we have so many ways to connect with people.

But back in 2009, it was, this is something I know I need. Is anyone else there who might need this as well? And I actually think that was the beginning.

I didn’t have the language for it of finding that product market fit per se. And I would always tell myself, hey, if no one showed up to our events or wanted to join or stop joining our community, then we have served our purpose, right? I don’t want to just create something that exists out there that, as you said, is not in service to other people.

So yeah, I guess I would call it an accidental mindset shift then.

I love it. Two things I love about what you just said, because a lot of things happen by accident. I would have never knew I wanted to be a podcast host, right?

Before starting my podcast, I didn’t even listen to podcasts. And then my business coach put me on my first interview, guesting on another podcast, and I just absolutely fell in love. And it just happened by accident.

So as long as you’re moving forward, you never know what opportunities arise, right? You never know. But none of it would happen if you’re sitting at home and being indecisive and taking inaction, right?

So there’s no such thing as procrastination. It’s just inaction. And success loves action and speedy action.

And I love how you just pointed out we never know where life takes us. But as long as we’re moving forward, it’s going to take us there. And beautiful opportunities arise from it just could arise from anywhere, right?

And the second thing I really loved about what you said is the keyword unlearn. I am an incessant learner myself. I’m always reading.

I love learning. But I think the biggest breakthroughs in life for me came from unlearning certain things, right? I’m sure we’ve been there.

And as entrepreneurs, there’s always burnout times, burnout stories with every entrepreneur at one point. But how do we unlearn what we thought was what we wanted and really to let go? To live the freedom that we chose, that life we truly want to design for ourselves?

Yeah, I talk a lot. I mean, it’s also unlearning other people’s imposed definitions of success on us. I talk a lot about, you know, I mentioned unlearning ableism, unlearning shame.

There are so many things that are ingrained in us from an early age. And I also have compassion for that little one, for learning those things that may be protected, they thought would protect them for a period of time. But yeah, I love that you mentioned both making space for learning and unlearning.

Absolutely. What else did you unlearn through the process of starting a company? Because that wasn’t your major, right?

That’s not where you started out. You and I both started out in the finance world. How did you get into business?

And how did you unlearn what was different than what you expected?

Oh, so I’ll tie it back to where Lucy and I met, which is we met at this conference called Your First Million Live. It was hosted by this incredible venture capitalist author, many hyphens named Arlan Hamilton. And I actually think that the biggest thing I had to unlearn was that I would call myself a multi-hyphenate.

I’ve got, you know, before we started recording, we’re talking about just lots, lots of good things going on. I’ve got a book coming out or running this business. I create content on social media and doing speaking engagements.

There’s a lot, right? And I remember thinking that I needed to generate all of my income from one place, this business that I was starting, for it to be successful. And then as we realized, hey, within this company, we need to diversify our streams of revenue.

Like, it’s not just our memberships in our community, but what about events? What about merch? It made me think about Tiffany’s own personal income statement, I guess, and all of the different ways that I could generate income.

And the reason why I brought up Arlen was early on, I attended like a one-hour session that she had hosted about all of her different streams of income. And she made a list of all the places, speaking, I don’t know, but there were like eight of them. And then she had a list right next to it, which was where all of that money gets allocated, right?

So maybe you are, so for example, for me, the majority of the money that we make at Diversibility goes to paying our team members and paying disabled speakers that we hire and contributors and other things like that. And then if I, you know, I remember once I started creating content and that started bringing in some brand partnerships, I said, oh, the money I make from this, I want it to go towards starting like a scholarship or an endowment fund at my university to support disabled students and disability initiatives. And so like, you have your list of eight or however many it has, and then you have another list that shares where that money goes.

And then maybe, you know, and don’t forget, you have the money for rent and food, you know, parking and we’re in LA and other things like that. But I think when she broke it down like that, it made me realize, oh, if what I’m using, if the money I’m using to pay my rent is not coming from money that we’re making at Diversibility, maybe it’s coming from my speaking income. That’s okay, right?

It doesn’t have to be all one thing. So I will say, you know, Diversibility, we’re hybrid, we’ve got for-profit and nonprofit. And at the same time, I spend a lot of time on it.

And I love it, which is why I keep doing it. But it isn’t necessarily what is contributing the most to my, to my bottom line, to my personal bottom line.

What a great reminder to diversify, right? And really to build that portfolio and think outside the box.

Yeah, that answer was going like a little bit, a little bit in the weeds.

Yeah, but as entrepreneurs, and I think that’s the definition of entrepreneurship is really to have multiple, like, you know, we are, we have all these titles, but yes, we have multiple income streams. And I think that’s what an entrepreneur is. And even if you’re working at a full time job, you can still have a side hustle or you can still have 10 other streams of income.

So think outside the box. I love it. So let’s get into a little bit about ableism, because that is a word I, I’ve been following Tiffany on social for, I think, three, four years.

And I think I did not know about this word until I met you. So let’s start there. What is ableism?

Yeah, so I first want to highlight that ableism is similar to other systems of oppression, words like racism or sexism, which we may have heard of before. Interestingly enough, the word ableism actually only became elevated in consciousness, I think in the 1980s. I did write about the history of it in the book, but it’s been around for a long time.

So the definition of ableism is when we devalue someone based on the way their body and our mind works. A more simplified way could be discrimination on the basis of disability. But the reason why I use the, when we devalue someone based on the way their body and our mind works, it’s asked us to really think about all of the ways that might not be connected to a disability identity where we devalue someone’s body and our mind.

So I think about how sexism and ableism might intersect when we question a woman’s intellect, when we make fun of the way she speaks, when the media dissects her body or like changes her weight. You know, those are examples where we actually see ableism and sexism intersect. But yeah, it’s a newer term, but ableism in terms of devaluing people has been around forever.

But yeah, and so to be anti-ableist, which is part of the title of my book, and probably the social media series that you came across when you started following me, is what are the ways that we don’t do that, that we actually value someone equitably based on how their body and our mind works? This is where accessibility accommodations come in, but I’m going off on my soapbox. So that’s what ableism is.

I love it. And I love how you talked about how words, I always talk about how words are so powerful. And you talked about in your book, ableist words, such as suffering from disability.

We can change that into more empowering words, such as living with disability, right? And I think that is profound mindset shift. Even with anything you are dealing with in life, right?

You’re suffering from an event that happened to you. You are simply living with it. That is the fact.

And when you change your wording around the situation, the outcome and how you feel about it, and the actions you take will be completely different. So it’s really essential for the words that we are using, right? And I know for you, Tiffany, your disability was actually not very apparent, as we can see your beautiful smile here.

But in those difficult times, when you hit a bump in your life, what is a favorite quote that you go by?

This quote is from someone named Francis Weller. And the quote is, The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other, and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can we hold?

That’s how much gratitude we can give.

I love that. I’m big on gratitude. So thank you for sharing.

And where can we find you?

You can find me, the best place is on my website, TiffanyYu.com. That will have links to learn more about the book that Lucy has been referencing, and all of my social links so you can follow and stay connected with me. Thank you so much.

Thank you.